British Comedy Guide

Space Quicky

V/O - New from Reality productions comes the most realistic space movie you will ever see

MAN 1 - I'm so bored! There's no strangely attractive aliens. No fighting. Nothing!

V/O - In space no one can hear you yawn

END

Not much to it but I like it.

It's a very nice idea, but it's possibly even a bit too long.

I think it's such an obvious, head slapping but great idea.

It literally needs to get straight there

Space whats out there?

Nothing, can I go home now?

But that's a different joke!

Don't fight over me, guys! Thanks for the comments *Group hug*

I like it a lot, but I think it should just cut after "bored"...and a long awkward pause. Laughing out loud

Quote: blahblah @ September 17 2013, 9:23 PM BST

V/O - New from Reality productions comes the most realistic space movie you will ever see

MAN LOOKS VERY BORED, GLANCING AT WATCH, TAPPING FINGERS. HE IS ABOUT TO YAWN WHEN....

CUT TO BLACK SCREEN

V/O - In space no one can hear you yawn

END

Just a suggestion. I think the original is too wordy for the idea.

Exactly, every time you find your taking time to explain something.

Your drowning your ideas one by one, like kittens in a toilet bowl.

Rewrite - still wordy but thoink it's better expositions. thoughts?

MAN 1 - I spy with my little eye something beginning with N

MAN 2 - Nothing

MAN 1 - Yup

V/O - New form reality productions In space no one can hear you yawn

END

It's funny but do something about the yawn line, if it's funny you don't need to tell people that.

I don't buy the idea of any dialogue. Much better as a visual in my opinion.

New from reality productions Space, something might happen, but it probably won't?

I think what I'm saying is, the moment you have a character speak then the situation becomes less boring so it weakens the pay-off. Moreso if you have two characters interacting.

Quote: Badge @ September 18 2013, 4:05 PM BST

I think what I'm saying is, the moment you have a character speak then the situation becomes less boring so it weakens the pay-off. Moreso if you have two characters interacting.

I do see what you're saying, but I think I was orignally writing it for radio hence the lines. The lack of dialouge would build up tension

Maybe it would be more funny if it referenced someone who is boring but trying to be exciting.
Can't think of a good example but perhap if one of the characters was Richard Branson.

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