V/O - New from Reality productions comes the most realistic space movie you will ever see
MAN 1 - I'm so bored! There's no strangely attractive aliens. No fighting. Nothing!
V/O - In space no one can hear you yawn
END
V/O - New from Reality productions comes the most realistic space movie you will ever see
MAN 1 - I'm so bored! There's no strangely attractive aliens. No fighting. Nothing!
V/O - In space no one can hear you yawn
END
Not much to it but I like it.
It's a very nice idea, but it's possibly even a bit too long.
I think it's such an obvious, head slapping but great idea.
It literally needs to get straight there
Space whats out there?
Nothing, can I go home now?
But that's a different joke!
Don't fight over me, guys! Thanks for the comments *Group hug*
I like it a lot, but I think it should just cut after "bored"...and a long awkward pause.
Quote: blahblah @ September 17 2013, 9:23 PM BSTV/O - New from Reality productions comes the most realistic space movie you will ever see
MAN LOOKS VERY BORED, GLANCING AT WATCH, TAPPING FINGERS. HE IS ABOUT TO YAWN WHEN....
CUT TO BLACK SCREEN
V/O - In space no one can hear you yawn
END
Just a suggestion. I think the original is too wordy for the idea.
Exactly, every time you find your taking time to explain something.
Your drowning your ideas one by one, like kittens in a toilet bowl.
Rewrite - still wordy but thoink it's better expositions. thoughts?
MAN 1 - I spy with my little eye something beginning with N
MAN 2 - Nothing
MAN 1 - Yup
V/O - New form reality productions In space no one can hear you yawn
END
It's funny but do something about the yawn line, if it's funny you don't need to tell people that.
I don't buy the idea of any dialogue. Much better as a visual in my opinion.
New from reality productions Space, something might happen, but it probably won't?
I think what I'm saying is, the moment you have a character speak then the situation becomes less boring so it weakens the pay-off. Moreso if you have two characters interacting.
Quote: Badge @ September 18 2013, 4:05 PM BSTI think what I'm saying is, the moment you have a character speak then the situation becomes less boring so it weakens the pay-off. Moreso if you have two characters interacting.
I do see what you're saying, but I think I was orignally writing it for radio hence the lines. The lack of dialouge would build up tension
Maybe it would be more funny if it referenced someone who is boring but trying to be exciting.
Can't think of a good example but perhap if one of the characters was Richard Branson.