Not new to me but new to most..
DEATH METAL IN THE AFTERNOON
EXT. DAY.A SUBURBAN CUL-DE-SAC.
A GOTH/DEATH METAL TEENAGE COUPLE ARE APPROACHING THE HOUSE OF THE BOY’S FATHER.
Girl:
So what’s your dad like?
Boy:
He’s like, weeeell square. Don’t ask him about music or anything.
Girl:
I bet he’ll be like reeeeeally shocked at the music we’re into
Boy:
Oh, totally.
HE OPENS THE DOOR. THEY GO IN AND DAD IS SITIING ON THE COUCH READING THE PAPER IN HIS SLIPPERS AND CARDIGAN.
Dad:
Hello, so you must be Rachel – pleased to meet you. Glad Steven’s got himself a fellow ‘heavy rocker’.
THE TEENAGERS GIGGLE.
Dad:
It’s all heavy rock, this gothic, dark stuff. You may think these bands are shocking but I’m unshockable. Go on, which bands do you like?
Girl:
Er, Christ Fist and Bleeding Corpse Cock, what else Steven?
Dad:
That’s just like Black Sabbath in my day -
Boy:
Er, Suicide Bummer, Kill The Old, Menstrual Gargle.
Dad:
Right. Let’s see if my new music can shock you!
Boy:
Your new music?
Dad:
I’m starting up my own band. It’s called Faeces for My Foetus. I’ll go and get changed.
THE TEENAGERS GIGGLE AND SIT CLOSE TOGETHER ON THE COUCH.
Boy:
This is gonna be weeeell embarrassing.
CAPTION: 5 MINUTES LATER.
DAD COMES DOWNSTAIRS WITH A GUITAR AND AMP. HE IS DRESSED IN EXACTLY THE SAME CLOTHES BUT THEY HAVE BEEN CUT UP AND SPRAYED IN SILLY STRING. HE HAS SMEARED LIPSTICK ALL OVER HIS FACE AND PAINTED HIS NOSE BLUE. HE PLUGS IN THE GUITAR AND STARTS THRASHING IT, WITHOUT FORMING CHORDS. HE STARTS SINGING IN A SATANIC, GUTTURAL TONE:
Dad:
Can it be you fellatin’ satan?
Where’s my kids I goddam ate ‘em –
CUT TO THE KIDS LOOKING BEYOND DISTURBED AS HE THRASHES A MINOR POWER CHORD
Dad:
Bum Mother Theresa
Bleeding anus
Your mum was a phlid
Her rotting flesh would shame us..
DAD THEN REACHES DOWN THE BACK OF HIS TROUSERS. HE PULLS OUT SOME OF HIS OWN FAECES AND HURLS IT AT THE YOUNG COUPLE. HE STARTS HEADBUTTING A NEARBY BISCUIT TIN. CLOSE UP OF DAD CHOMPING WHOLE RAW EGGS.
THE KIDS FLEE THE HOUSE. AND DAD CAN BE SEEN PRESSING HIS NOW BLOOD-SODDEN FACE AGAINST THE WINDOW, MAKING DEEP, INFERNAL SOUNDS. CUT TO THE TEENAGERS RUNNING UP THE CUL-DE-SAC AS A DISTANT SIREN WAILS.
FADE
