VET BUSYING HIMSELF AROUND HIS SURGERY. THERE IS A KNOCK ON A SLIDEY HATCH AND THE NURSE OPENS IT AND TALKS TO THE VET.
NURSE:
Dr Lovelife. Little Emma has come for her kitten.
DR LOVELIFE LEANS OUT THE HATCH TO TALK TO EMMA.
DR LOVELIFE:
Hello little Emma. Which kitten was yours again? I have quite a few in today.
EMMA:
He's the black and white one Doctor. Mr Fluffles. I love him Sooooooo much.
DR LOVELIFE:
Ah! I know the one.
DR LOVELIFE CLOSES THE HATCH AND TAKE WHAT MUST BE A KITTEN FROM A CAGE. WE CAN'T QUITE SEE IT BUT IT LOOKS FLUFFY. IT WRIGGLES LIKE CRAZY AND THE DOCTOR LETS IT DROP TO THE FLOOR. IT SHOOTS OFF IN A BLUR THROUGH THE DOOR LEAVING A KITTEN SHAPED HOLE LIKE IN A CARTOON.
THE DOCTOR IS WORRIED BUT PICKS A BOX UP FROM DOWN BELOW THE COUNTER AND PUTS IN ON TOP OF THE COUNTER. IT HAS "SPARE KITTENS" WRITTEN ON THE BOX. HE PICKS UP REAL KITTENS MUTTERING "BLACK AND WHITE" REPEATEDLY TO HIMSELF. HE EVENTUALLY HOLDS A WHITE ONE IN ONE HAND AND A BLACK ONE IN THE OTHER. HE BUMPS THEM TOGETHER AND HAS AN IDEA...
HE PUTS THE 2 KITTENS IN AN OPERATING TRAY AND PUTS THE SPARE KITTEN BOX BACK. HE TAKES OUT A DIFFERENT BOX AND PUTS IN ON THE COUNTER. IT SAYS "SHARP THINGS" ON THE BOX. HE EXAMINES A FEW KNIVES AND CLEAVERS BEFORE PUTTING THEM BACK IN AND PUTTING THE BOX AWAY AGAIN. HE PULLS OUT ANOTHER BOX LABELED "REALLY SHARP THINGS". HE PULLS OUT WHAT APPEARS TO BE SCALPELS ATTACHED TO AN EGG WHISK. NASTY LOOKING THINGS.
HE MOVES TO THE KITTEN TRAY AND NOW WE ONLY SEE THE TOP HALF OF HIM. HIS HANDS MOVE AND A BIT OF BLOOD SQUIRTS ONTO HIS VET UNIFORM. HIS HANDS MOVE AGAIN AND A CUPFUL OF BLOOD SQUIRTS ONTO HIM. HIS HANDS MOVE AGAIN AND A SOLID JET OF BLOOD SQUIRTS AT HIM AS IF A FIREMAN WAS USING A BLOOD FILLED HOSE. THE STREAM OF BLOOD CONTINUES AND THE VET SLIPS ABOUT AND PUTS HIS HAND UP TO THE STREAM BUT MORE BLOOD COMES. ABOUT 500 GALLONS SHOULD DO IT.
EVENTUALLY THE BLOOD STOPS AND HE PUSHES THE KITTEN TRAY ALONG THE COUNTER TO THE SLIDING HATCH, KNOCKS AND CARRIES ON WIPING THE BLOOD FROM HIS FACE AND EYES.
DR LOVELIFE:
All done nurse!
THE NURSE PICKS UP THE TRAY AND LOWERS IT FOR EMMA TO SEE 'HER KITTEN'.
EMMA:
But this isn't my kitten.
Mr Fluffles only had ONE head!
CLOSE UP OF HAPPY KITTEN MADE UP OF 2 FRONT HALVES USING COMPUTER TRICKERY.
THE END.
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So! Do you think there is even a remote idea of this ever being on the telly?
I don't!