Intro: General daytime TV jingle, the actual Cash In The Attic theme would be good but I appreciate there may be "copyright issues".
Angela: Hello, and welcome. I'm Angela Ripoff, and it's time to go poking around in those dusty old corners looking for hidden treasure, as we bring you another episode of....Cash In On Auntie
Today we're in the Houses of Parliament. I can already see our expert Julian trying to attract my attention, so let's go see what he's found.
Julian: Hello Angela. I'm really excited to have found one of these.
Angela: What is it Julian?
Julian: Well Angela, it's an incredibly rare former BBC Director General. It looks like, hang on a minute...yes, it is! It's an Entwistle. These were only made for eight weeks in the 21st century, before being discontinued.
Angela: And how much do we think it might be worth?
Julian: Well it's all a matter of opinion, but the last time one of these came on the market it took £450,000 to get rid of it.
Angela: That's amazing Julian. What else do we have?
Julian: Well, you know we had the former BBC Director General earlier? This is a former Deputy Director General. It's a Byford. The BBC used to keep one spare just in case they mislaid the actual Director General, so it's in pristine condition as it's never had to do any actual work.
Angela: Presumably this isn't worth as much as an actual Director General then?
Julian: You would think so, wouldn't you? Strangely though, when the last one of these went out of the door it cost almost £1m. Crazy, isn't it? You can almost see a pattern.
Angela: I know, all these payoffs to BBC executives...
Julian: No Angela, a Patten. A Lord Patten.
Angela: And what does one of those do then Julian?
Julian: Well, nobody is quite sure really. There's been one of these in the Conservative Party since the 1960s. They used to use it for dumping unpopular policies on - the Poll Tax, policing in Northern Ireland, they even tried exporting it to China but with little success. Now it sits in front of committees looking confused and staring over its spectacles a lot.
Angela: Very interesting stuff Julian. I see this is one of the upgraded models with the new blame deflectors too. So what do we think this is worth?
Julian: Frankly Angela, f**k all...
Theme music plays out.
