EXTERNAL - GARDEN
2 Patio Chairs In The Middle Of A Lawn
Chair 1: I hate being a chair
Chair 2: So you keep saying
Chair 1: Well come on, you can't exactly say that it's a good life can you?
Chair2: We are not alive, we are chairs I keep telling you, we are just practical pieces of garden furniture.
Chair 1: How come we can talk then?
Chair 2: I don't know the answer to that. I told you before and besides we can only talk to each other nobody else can hear us, so maybe we are not really talking, we just think we are.
Chair 1: Exactly. We think, so therefore we are.
Chair 2: There you go again, quoting from a book that somebody left open on your lap.
Chair 1: My lap, listen to you, at least I don't think I'm human, I haven't got a lap
Chair 2: You know what I mean. Must you always go on about this?
Chair 1: What else have we got to talk about?
Chair 2: What about that girl the other day, the blond that sat on you the one with the short skirt and no knickers?
Chair 1: Oh yes, I been meaning to tell you about that, when she walked over towards us, I was hoping that she would sit on me.
Chair 2: If it wasn't for the mustard stain on my arm she would have sat on me I was gutted.
Chair 1: Don't kid yourself I'm just a better looking chair than you.
Chair 2: We look exactly the same, we come out of the same box, and our Argos numbers are identical.
Chair 1: There you go again with your cloning conspiracy. Now who is quoting from a book left on his lap? Brave New World wasn't it?
Chair 2: It's obvious we are clones, we have been mass manufactured, and we all look the same.
A MAN AND WOMAN APPROACH THE CHAIRS, THE MAN IS FILMING THE WOMAN ON HIS MOBILE AS SHE SHOWS THE CAMERA A COCKTAIL, THE WOMAN SITS ON CHAIR 1 AS SHE SETTLES IN THE CHAIR FALLS BACK AND HER LEGS ARE IN THE AIR. THE MAN IS STILL FILMING THEY ARE BOTH LAUGHING.
Man: Ha ha ha. That is so funny I got to send it off to you've been framed
Chair 1: I 'm going to be famous.
END