The goldfish from the fair

EXTERNAL. FAIRGROUND. DAY.

BRANDON AND HIS MOTHER ARE RETURNING A GOLDFISH TO THE COCONUT SHY MAN, THE GOLDFISH IS IN A BAG DEAD.

Mother: Excuse me, we won this goldfish on your stall yesterday, and within four hours of taking it home it was dead.

Man: It doesn't look like one of my goldfish love. Are you sure you had it from here?

Woman: Yes I am sure, I have a picture on my phone of my son winning it outside your stall look.

WOMAN SHOWS THE MAN THE PICTURE.

Man: Did you follow the instructions I gave you before putting it into a tank?

Woman: Yes to the letter I have owned goldfish before I know what I am doing.

Man: Ok if you leave it with me I will run some toxicology reports to determine the exact cause of death.

Woman: Is that really necessary? Can't you just give me another fish?

Man: Oh no love, we have strict guidelines here, I mean I am not being funny but how do I know that your little boy by there didn't pour a bit of red bull into the tank to see if the fish could fly. It has happened before.

WOMAN TURNS TO HER SON

Woman: Brandon, did you put anything into the fish tank, before he died?

Brandon: No mammy he was just lying on his side, I didn't do anything honest.

Woman: See my son doesn't lie, if he says he didn't do anything then I believe him.

Man: Well he can tell it to the police when they arrive.

Woman: The police? Do they have to get involved as well?

Man: Oh yes love strict guidelines, if a goldfish dies within a few hours of leaving here then we treat it as suspicious until otherwise proven. If I were you I would get a solicitor.

Woman: The police and a solicitor? All I want to do is for you to exchange this dead goldfish for another one.

Man: You want another dead goldfish?

Woman: No of course not, I want you to give me a goldfish that is alive in replace of this dead one.

Man: Sorry love I can't do that, you might be a goldfish serial killer and I won't have that on my conscience.

Woman: If I were a goldfish serial killer I would hardly bring it back here to show you, I would have just killed it and buried it in my garden.

Man: Not necessarily, you might get a kick out of bringing it back and showing me the dead body to watch my reaction.

Woman: I can't believe I am having this conversation. This is absurd.

Man: It's just a sketch love, he'll finish writing it soon don't worry.

End

Terrible sketch - loved the ending, you got me completely!

Great sketch, hope you finish it soon.

Oi! I was enjoying that!

Good fun you do need to work on your punchlines though!

With this one I'd have had the fairground stall holder concede and give the kid either a dead hamster, a deflated balloon or a fish finger.

That or have the police arrest the father and son.

The joke being to confirm the ridiculous. e.g. I can't believe theyre arguing over a dead fish oh wait he's giving out other dead things or they really are serial killers of fish.

Thanks for the feedback everyone, my train of thought was this, I started off thinking I will try and write a sketch about a dead goldfish from the fair because my son had one last week and it lasted 1 day. I got into it and was enjoying the dialogue and then got lazy and thought of Monty Python "this sketch is getting silly" and I seen that as a way out. I will have another think of the punchline, it was poor.

I put a proper end on it now, I think:

BRANDON AND HIS MOTHER ARE RETURNING A GOLDFISH TO THE COCONUT SHY MAN, THE GOLDFISH IS IN A BAG DEAD.

Mother: Excuse me, we won this goldfish on your stall yesterday, and within four hours of taking it home it was dead.

Man: It doesn't look like one of my goldfish love. Are you sure you had it from here?

Woman: Yes I am sure, I have a picture on my phone of my son winning it outside your stall look.

WOMAN SHOWS THE MAN THE PICTURE.

Man: Did you follow the instructions I gave you before putting it into a tank?

Woman: Yes to the letter I have owned goldfish before I know what I am doing.

Man: Ok if you leave it with me I will run some toxicology reports to determine the exact cause of death.

Woman: Is that really necessary? Can't you just give me another fish?

Man: Oh no love, we have strict guidelines here, I mean I am not being funny but how do I know that your little boy by there didn't pour a bit of red bull into the tank to see if the fish could fly. It has happened before.

WOMAN TURNS TO HER SON

Woman: Brandon, did you put anything into the fish tank, before he died?

Brandon: No mammy he was just lying on his side, I didn't do anything honest.

Woman: See my son doesn't lie, if he says he didn't do anything then I believe him.

Man: Well he can tell it to the police when they arrive.

Woman: The police? Do they have to get involved as well?

Man: Oh yes love strict guidelines, if a goldfish dies within a few hours of leaving here then we treat it as suspicious until otherwise proven. If I were you I would get a solicitor.

Woman: The police and a solicitor? All I want to do is for you to exchange this dead goldfish for another one.

Man: You want another dead goldfish?

Woman: No of course not, I want you to give me a goldfish that is alive in replace of this dead one.

Man: Sorry love I can't do that, you might be a goldfish serial killer and I won't have that on my conscience.

Woman: If I were a goldfish serial killer I would hardly bring it back here to show you, I would have just killed it and buried it in my garden.

Man: Not necessarily, you might get a kick out of bringing it back here and showing me the dead body to watch my reaction.

Woman: I am not taking anymore of this, I want to speak to your manager.

Man: Your holding him in your hand.

Woman: What? This dead goldfish is your manager?

Man: He was my manager until you killed him.

Woman: I told you before I did not kill it, and if you expect me to believe that this goldfish was your manager, then there is clearly something wrong with you.

Man: He's not my manager any more , you've seen to that.

Woman: Ok if he was your manager, why did you allow my son to win him yesterday?

Man: He told me to do it, sales were dipping he said rather than get rid of me he should be the one to go, we were both hoping that he would find a good home and live a long life but now look at him, he didn't last more than a day. It should have been me not him.

Woman: So let me get this right, you are saying that this dead goldfish I have in my hand was your manager?

Man: Yes, he was, and a good one at that. God rest his sole

Woman: I am sorry but I simply cannot believe that a goldfish was your manager. Is there anybody else I could speak to? Who owns the fair?

Man: That guy over there, by the ghost train.

WOMAN LOOKS AROUND

Woman: What guy? The one sitting down taking the money?

Man: No, not that guy, the one standing above him, with a scar on his head and a bolt going through his neck.

THE WOMAN TURNS TO LOOK AGAIN. SHE TAKES HOLD OF HER SON'S HAND

Woman: Come on Brandon we are going home.

I enjoyed this Carlos
The style put me in mind of a young Leevil, I mean L.E, I mean Leee

Thanks Steve. Who is young whatever his name is?

One of the moderators used to write sketches sometimes.
And he used to often do flights of fancy with nifty changes of direction.

I never heard of him but I like the way you explained it. Flights of fancy with nifty changes of direction, sounds cool.

Like how you stretched it out. This could go on forever. The infinite goldfish sketch!
I think I preferred your first ending which you could attach to the end of the extended version

Possible other ending (though not as good as yours).

Woman: I am sorry but I simply cannot believe that a goldfish was your manager. I want to speak to the owner of the fair.

Man: You can try, he's in the fish tank, just there inside the castle.

Woman: Yes I am sure, I have a picture on my phone of my son winning it outside your stall look.

WOMAN SHOWS THE MAN THE PICTURE.

Man: Did you follow the instructions I gave you before putting it into a tank?

Woman: Yes to the letter

Man: And you didn't put anything funny in the water did you?

Woman: Water! What water? You didn't say anything about water!

Thanks guys, both good alternative endings, I was going to have the boy whisper to his mother that he had a pee in the fish tank, but I wanted to separate the punch from the story.

I like the idea of the stallholder taking the death of the goldfish ridiculously seriously. I think, though, that you should base it around his request for thorough investigations. When he starts making things up like the goldfish being his manager and the Frankenstein model owning the fair it felt like it was going off on vague tangents.

Also, it's stretched out far too long. Some sections just aren't funny in the slightest and don't add anything to the sketch. For example, you could easily drop this section:

Woman: Brandon, did you put anything into the fish tank, before he died?

Woman: See my son doesn't lie, if he says he didn't do anything then I believe him.

Some of the dialogue could be shortened too as it's quite lengthy at times.

As I say, though, I do think the initial idea is very good and there's potential hilarity in there.