The engima of cyber bullying

It's overlong, not very original and in poor taste. If you read it, then it's your own problem so there.

V2 (NO PUN INTENDED)

SCENE1
ALAN TURING AND DILLY NOX ARE ANXIOUSLY WAITING IN AN OFFICE IN BLETCHLEY PARK IN 1943

ALAN
The message came in last night big blighter too, we broke it down into 3 lots and gave it to huts A,B and C.

DILLY
And now the race against time it's self, man versus indomitable Nazi machine

A COURIER BURSTS IN

COURIER1
We've got a message from Hut A!

DILLY
Damn it out with it man!

COURIER
The word is You

A SECOND COURIER BURSTS IN

COURIER2
Sir hut B reports in, the second word is Are.

TURING
Don't wolf packs usually have the prefix UB?

A THIRD COURIER RUNS IN

COURIER 3
Gay.

TURING
What the devil does this mean? You are gay?

TURING TURNS BRIGHT RED AND LOOKS AT HIS SHOES.

DILLY
No I'm not how dare they!

SCENE2
TURING AND DILLY ARE IN THEIR OFFICE AT BLETCHLEY PARK. THEY'RE CHAIN SMOKING. WITH FULL ASH TRAYS AND A HALF FINISHED WHISKEY BOTTLE BETWEEN THEM
DILLY IS ON THE PHONE

DILLY
I'm sorry primeminister but the Bosh has us on the run, they keep sending nasty messages they're worse than doodle bugs......the ladie's hut decoded a message about them having mannish hair cuts and lesbian shoes. Now half are too anorexic to decode anything and the other half are self harming too Vera Lynn....

ALAN
oh Dilly it's hopeless.

DILLY
Yes primeminister surrender maybe the only option.

ALAN STARTS FEVERISHLY WRITING DOWN SOMETHING

ALAN
Not so fast Dilly I think I have a plan.

ALAN SHOWS DILLY WHAT HE WAS WRITING

DILLY
Hold that surrender primeminister I think Alan might just have pulled it off.

SCENE3

A RADIO LAB DEEP IN NAZI GERMANY 3 NAZIS ARE AT RADIOS
THE RADIOS START BEEPING ALL HAVE MORSE KITS AND HEADPHONES

NAZI1
It's the allies are they surrendering at last?

ALL NAZIS LAUGH EVILLY

THE BEEPING SLOWLY, BUT UNMISTAKEABLY TURNS INTO "Colonel Bogy" VIA SEMAPHORE BEEPS AS THE TUNE PICKS UP THE NAZIS WHISTLE CHEERFULLY ALONG, THEN OTHER NAZIS WANDER INTO THE ROOM AND SOON IT'S FULL OF NAZIS HAVING A GOOD OLD FASHIONED WHISTLE ALONG
THEN AS IT REACHES IT'S CRESENDO THE NAZIS START TO SING

ALL 3 NAZIS TOGETHER IN TUNE
His mother the dirty bugger, bit it off when he was small.

ALL 3 NAZIS LOOK AT EACH OTHER DRAW THEIR PISTOLS AND SHOOT THEMSELVES

That's very funny, sooty. Clever, too.

Thanks inspired by a passing remark I saw on Facebook and then it just all fell into place.

That is ace, Sooty. Really really good.

Delighted people like it, rereading I suddenly thought hells bells the message in this is quite offensive!

Top notch.

Quote: sootyj @ September 2 2013, 10:51 AM BST

I suddenly thought hells bells the message in this is quite offensive!

View original

Nah! they are Nazis, Fu*k them!

Liked it, clever & funny. Found 'half of them have killed themselves' a little jarring for the tone up to then - what about 'half of them have locked themselves in the toilet'?

(or not)

Tjhats was my slight unease, that I was belittling cyber bullying

It's not belittling it. As Playfull says, something like locking themselves in the loos or telling teacher Hitler they're been bullied would keep the tone light.

Quote: sootyj @ September 2 2013, 11:32 AM BST

Tjhats was my slight unease, that I was belittling cyber bullying

View original

No I did not get that impression at all. And anyway the cyber bullies come off worse in the end.

Truly excelelnt idea. You're right to say it's a little bit long, butI like it a lot. Anachronisms are alwasy great sketch tricks, and this is a doozy.

The only bit I didn't go for was when they named it cyber-bullying. You could perhaps have some more net tropes to play on: "I bet they're laughing out loud about this, the swine", "Rolling on the floor laughing, I should wonder".

Also, I don't think you need to spell out the reference at the end - "It says here he only has one ball! So cutting", or something could be funnier.

Ignore those suggestions at your leisure, it's a good piece of work.

It's very good, not at all too long; but I'd cut this:

Alan think's its a new super weapon called cider bullying.

ALAN
Cyber bullying you dick, oh Dilly it's hopeless.

Specific critique and you're right it takes one out of the action

Thanks

very clever and funny.would change courier 1 to say "the word is you"

Decent little caper, holds the reader and it's funny.