Posh - Mark 2

Hi! I'm back again with (hopefully!)improvements. Thanks to everyone for your help before, I've attempted to resolve all issues. It is only this short as I'm practising by writing short pieces, this is meant to be stand up by the way. Thanks for all feedback, gratefully appreciated.
Ellia

Right, now I would consider myself to be quite posh, although I often try to make myself sound less posh, which admittedly often fails, but never mind. I think its sort of ingrained becuase I went to private school and all that, but a friend of mines mum, is not actually posh, but acts like it. You know theresnthose women who are really fake, with fake nails and boobs,and things, shes sort of like that you know, totally fake. Not her boobs though I don't think, her accent. I don't have a problem with it, but honestly, whenever Im over there, I'm not Ellia, I'm Ellia Darling and their dogs don't go for a wee, they do their 'duties'. She also doesn't seem to realise when she is saying innuendos, happily calling their dog 'Tricky Dicky' in front of strangers. I would love to hear her parents having sex. Actually no, that's weird, but imagine it, ooh no, that's just disturbing. Anyway, she doesn't go jogging like normal people, not that I ever do, she goes joegging. 'Im just going joegging darling to take the dogs for their duties'. Does anyone actually talk like that? She wears the posh sort of tweed and everything! You would never, ever, ever catch me in tweed! Ever! Blergh! Ok, hands up who has watched Miranda? Hands up if you think she's better than m- No! That'll be too embarrassing! Anyway, I was watching Miranda with my friend once and there's a part where she says 'If I marry him I'll wear tweed and have a dog called Jasper pronounced jar-sper!' I'm just sat there quietly laughing and my friend turns round to me, deadly serious and goes 'Why's that funny?' so I'm sat there trying not to laugh and I just about manage to say 'um, I don't know'.
So with that, I must go and take Jar-sper for his duties and go to bed because I'm going joegging in the morning
Thank you! I have been and still am, Ellia Porter. Goodnight!

Hi Ellia,
Well done for getting this down on paper, I do a bit of stand up myself and find it never works until you hear it, the reason, what we read and what we say are very different, which is why someone can tell you a joke and it's not really funny but if you read it in a text it can make you laugh, and vice versa, I would suggest you get a recording device, (Video would be best) post on YouTube and give us all a link so we can see how it works!
If I was to comment on this as I read it, I don't think it works, there are many reasons, but the main reason is self elevation, you may not realise your doing it but everything you say about yourself is positive and slightly bragging, you then proceed to talk down about your friends MUM, there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to comedy, and if you can pull this off with your delivery then well done, but I've gone over it a lot of times in my head and can't see how you would get this to work. remember comedy doesn't have to be true it just has to sound true! you don't honestly think all the funny stories you hear the big names telling really happened to them in that way do you? so I would make it more personal, put yourself into the story as the victim of the embarrassment of being powerless to get away from someone who is clearly over doing how posh they are! make her your mother for example and tell the stories as when you where growing up she used to embarrass you in front of all your posh friend, then tell the stories of what she would say and what she would do, I'm not trying to write this for you (although I'd love to! lol ) but as an example, maybe something like this:
HI, my names Ellia, and I know what your all thinking, "Gosh she sounds terribly posh!" well you think I'm posh, remember your the ones that just used the word "Gosh!", but your right, my family are a bit posh I suppose,I mean I did have the Private education, The Big family Mansion, the nice cars, and of course! the creepy in bread relatives.
but my mum, she doesn't come from money:..... and then go on as if the stories are yours, how embarrassing it was growing up with your mum trying to be posh when she come from a council estate in Bromley! etc. just an idea, but I'm already laughing more just thinking about what you could right! hope you don't mind my long message and please don't worry if you think everything I've put is wrong, its your decision at the end of the day. anyway I've got to go my dog wants to go Joegging and I've got to do my duties!
Thanks Tony

I think Tony's right but may I add- Don't mention Miranda.You're inviting comparisons already by doing the "posh" humour . I'm presuming she's not a friend or relative so why promote her.Look at Will Smith - the English comedian who was in The Thick of It-when he did his "posh" bit.You may get some inspiration there.Don't be frightened of being rude or even filthy."Tricky Dicky" ain't that saucy these days.It's all eff this and cee this now.Sometimes combined.Cheers.

Quote: Ellia Porter @ August 31 2013, 11:12 PM BST

Hi! I'm back again with (hopefully!)improvements. Thanks to everyone for your

Right, now I would consider myself to be quite posh, although I often try to make myself sound less posh, which admittedly often fails, but never mind. I think its sort of ingrained becuase I went to private school and all that, but a friend of mines mum, is not actually posh, but acts like it. You know theresnthose women who are really fake, with fake nails and boobs,and things, shes sort of like that you know, totally fake. Not her boobs though I don't think, her accent.

View original

By this stage you've lost the audience, they're chatting, checking texts, off to the loo.

It's not only not funny, it's a big lump of filler like a blob of instant mash.

It's good to start with a joke, but if you don't you need intrigue.

It's a shame as what comes next is actually quite funny and engaging.

Quote: Ellia Porter @ August 31 2013, 11:12 PM BST

Hi! I'm back again with (hopefully!)improvements. Thanks to everyone for your help before, I've attempted to resolve all issues. It is only this short as I'm practising by writing short pieces, this is meant to be stand up by the way. Thanks for all feedback, gratefully appreciated.
Ellia

Ok, hands up who has watched Miranda? Hands up if you think she's better than m- No! That'll be too embarrassing! Anyway, I was watching Miranda with my friend once and there's a part where she says 'If I marry him I'll wear tweed and have a dog called Jasper pronounced jar-sper!' I'm just sat there quietly laughing and my friend turns round to me, deadly serious and goes 'Why's that funny?' so I'm sat there trying not to laugh and I just about manage to say 'um, I don't know'

View original

This is a conversation between you and your friend, which you find funny because you know each other, why would anyone else find it funny? And you can reference Miranda but why is she funny?

I think you need to really strip this apart.

Start asking questions, why is the "idea of Miranda" funny to a standup artist.

Are you embarassed by her? Does she let other poshos do? Do you think you're better at being posh than her? Why?

Funny Ha Ha - really liked the 'Gosh' gag!

Ellia,

Can I suggest you take a red pen and mark in your set where you think people will actually laugh out loud. Be tough on yourself, don't mark where you think there is quite a nice line. I think you will find that

a) you need more jokes and
b) you take way too long to get to a gag.

That said I agree with the others - it depends on your delivery. But unless you have a killer delivery I think you need to develop (or buy) more killer gags.

As I said I am not a stand up but I did see one once...

Ellia, I'm sorry, but a posh woman snobbishly putting down what she thinks of as her social inferiors won't appeal to an audience, unless you're thinking of performing at the next Tory conference.

When you say you make yourself less posh how do you do it? By trying to put on other accents , maybe ? Here's a chance to do a posho being Geordie, Cockney etc. but extremely badly. Do you try wearing Burberry in this vain attempt to shake off the poshness and we all know how that clashes with mink .The private school-how posh was that-it was so posh that ...something very funny.Why not Downton Abbey as a reference instead of Miranda?Friend's pseudo-posh mum thinks it's too common.Finally I think also , for what it's worth , the audience shouldn't really know for sure if you're posh or not.You're giving a performance.Wrong foot the buggers.Come on talking Cockney or something then change to the posh voice.Cheers.

I know this is a bit out there! but if you fancied collaborating on your script, I would live to help! naturally you would have final say and I would expect no reward, its just something I think I'm good at and if you want me to help you I can.