Football sketch

Decided to post sketches outside of NJ. I wrote this a while ago then I adapted it to send to The Show That You Wrote. Opinions welcome

REPORTER - Football documentaries have been in vogue of late, but they tend to focus on the violence, not me. Today I will investigate the rise in the neutral fan.

Fans chant to the tune of "the referees a wanker"

The referees got a difficult job
The referees got a difficult job

REPORTER - But don't let their lack of team affiliation fool you they can be just as vocal and passionate as other fans

Fans chant to the tune of "if you love (random team name) clap your hands"

If you love general sport clap your hands

F/X hand clap

If you love general sport clap your hands

F/X hand clap

REPORTER - I am now joined by two such fans. So how did you get into neutralism?

WOMAN 1 - Well I like singing about issues that don't really affect me, so my choices were limited between this or church

REPORTER - And how about you sir?

MAN 1 - I was sick of hating people for wearing a different coloured shirt so I thought why not

REPORTER - This is a fascinating subject to me. I have to say I don't care about football but..

WOMAN 1 - What?

REPORTER - I'm just saying I'm not really a football fan but

MAN 1 - You saying you're more indifferent than us?

WOMAN 1 - Get him!

F/X WOMAN 1 and MAN 1 running after a screaming REPORTER

END

I like the first song, but I got a bit less interested after that, I felt it could develop from that starting point some more. The church joke was funny, though.

It's a good idea but I'm not sure about how it's executed.Maybe the reporter should talk for longer to build it a bit more.Anyway it's a funny idea.

Yeah, good idea, but it peters out fairly quickly. Maybe the documentary angle isn't the best one to go for.

the church joke was great! made me laugh, but I thought why would a reporter who doesn't like football be reporting on it? so the end didn't work for me. they are football fans and everyone knows that the violent ones just use the fact that you don't support their team as an excuse to fight, so I think it would be better if you could find a way to have the fans still fighting in spite of their indifference to who's won or lost! and it needs loads more jokes.

"Man utd, Leeds Utd, Liverpool and Chelsea, Crewe,,,
Spurs and Arsenal are quite good too.

Sung to the tune of "We'll support you evermore"
Just a thought.
Anyway, good idea, with lots of potential,but I'd lose the joke about the church, not really relevant, or is it?

"I'm for ever blowing bubbles, although I appreciate that other pastimes are equally valid"

I agree, they should end up having a big old scrap about something else, even after they've settled their team differences.

This is a good idea and there is definitely a sketch here (perhaps using all the suggested song lyrics).

I think the intro is a little flat -

Today on 'God not another football based show' we are going to examine the phenomena of the rise of the neutral football fan.

Also what about -

MAN 1 - Neutralisms been brilliant for me, I'm colour blind, and never knew who I was shouting for anyway. "C'mon you greys"!

Good luck with it.

Quote: playfull @ September 1 2013, 12:15 PM BST

-

MAN 1 - Neutralisms been brilliant for me, I'm colour blind, and never knew who I was shouting for anyway. "C'mon you greys"!

View original

That is brilliant, I'm still laughing as I'm writing this! "c'mon you greys!" genius! You really should use that!

Quote: playfull @ September 1 2013, 12:15 PM BST

This is a good idea and there is definitely a sketch here (perhaps using all the suggested song lyrics).

I think the intro is a little flat -

Today on 'God not another football based show' we are going to examine the phenomena of the rise of the neutral football fan.

Also what about -

MAN 1 - Neutralisms been brilliant for me, I'm colour blind, and never knew who I was shouting for anyway. "C'mon you greys"!

Good luck with it.

View original

Both of those are very good suggestions!

Rewrote it. I ditched the radio angle and I yonked Playfulls line - unsure of protocol with that so if its a nono I'll cut it.

MAN 1 and MAN 2 are walking down the street wearing bland clothes. They look suspiciously at each other

MAN 1 - Very bland clothes you have they

MAN 2 - Ditto

MAN 1 chants to the tune of "the referees a wanker"

The referees got a difficult job
The referees got a difficult job

MAN 2 chants to the tune of "if you love (random team name) clap you hands"

If you love general sport clap your hands

BOTH clap hands hand clap

MAN 1 - A fellow naturalist

MAN 1 and MAN 2 enter into a secret hand shake that ends with them both shrugging with indifference

MAN 2 - So how'd you get into it?

MAN 1 - I'm colour blind so I never knew which team I was supporting anyway so it seemed logical - Come on you greys! You?

MAN 2 - I like singing about issues that don't really affect me so my choices were limited between this and church. Well I should go

MAN 1 - Why is your team playing?

BOTH laugh

MAN 2 - Half a lager and any bodies

MAN 1 - You think you care less than me?

MAN 2 shrugs.

MAN 2 - What does that tell you?

MAN 1 - You want a shrug off? I'll give you a shrug off!

MAN 1 and MAN 2 begin to shrug in various ways at each other

END

I figure if I make a public suggestion in critique then it is absolutely free to use. Just really glad you liked it!

Its a great line!

I think it's better outside of the TV format, but perhaps you need a line that says more clearly what's going on. Or perhaps I'm not giving the audience enough credit.

The shrug-off is a very funny image in my mind.

I preferred the 1st version of the sketch to this rewrite.
Really confused the naturalist line and
Why is your team playing? BOTH laughMAN 2 - Half a lager and any bodies
If I saw this exactly as scripted I would not understand what was going on.

I like the idea of having more neutral songs such as Fannie Boyles
Can't they be in the football stadium instead of walking down the street.
Perhaps you could make it a party political broadcast for the Neutralist Party.
Perhaps have "Dont Care Rangers" vs "not bothered united if anyone wants to know the score then don't ask me"
To be honest I've made a pants of this critique and I don't care, I'm not being paid and it's past me bedtime. If its funny its funny if its not its not. I think I'm gonna join the neutralist party if I can be bothered.