2525 - Checkout

Here's another of my efforts for a 2525 sketch.... not sure the intro works and the sketch is probably a bit long. I have trouble keeping things short and snappy.... anyway here it is.

Intro
It was the year 2520 when the switch was flipped and the first machine became self aware. Too late did the humans realise the gravity of their greatest achievement and too late did they respond. In a matter of months machines had taken over the world slaughtering millions and enslaving the rest. By 2525 the time of Human domination had passed. The Future belonged to THE ROBOTS.....

Fx - Ding Dong - Check out 2013 is now available.

Manbot - Oh no, it's one of those human checkouts... can't we wait for a Computerised one ?

Ladybot - No, come on, we could be here all day otherwise.

Manbot - I hate these Human ones, I don't know why they have them... I end up having to do all the calculating myself. If I'd been intended to be a supermarket computer I would have been programmed as one... and they always want to.....talk to you !

Ladybot - It must be cheaper to get a human to do it I guess, what with all the Techno unions going on strike.

Manbot - Well, I just don't like the way things are going, what are they going to do ? Replace us all with humans !!

Ladybot - Oh just stop your moaning and get on with it. Look, she's waving you over.

Checkout lady - Coooey! Hiya darlin ! Over here

Manbot - Oh my, Here we go.

Checkout Lady - Hiya Love, how are you this evening ?

Manbot - Er ..the same as I always am.

Checkout Lady - Oh, that's nice , what have you been up to today then?

Manbot - I have been doing what I was programmed to do.

Checkout Lady - oooh really, that sounds exciting... so what's that then ?

Manbot - I fit Z77415 components into the Arkazoid Rambot 5500.

Checkout Lady - Oh Blimey, that sounds complicated, never been much of one for technology me, bit of a technophobe really.... No offence mind... I like you lot, you're alright..... Is this you're better half then ?... Hello Love.

Ladybot - Er , Hello.

Checkout - What do you do then ?

Ladybot - I fit Z77415 components into the Arkazoid Rambot 5500

Checkout Lady- Oh another clever one... Meet at work then did ya ?... Bit of a factory romance ? Sneeking off for a bit of how's yer father in the storage cupboard. ?

Ladybot - I do not compute "How's Yer Farther"

Checkout Lady - "Do not compute"..ha ha....oh, you and your sayings. Ya know, a bit of bump and grind .... putting his memory stick in your USB port..... No ? Ah never mind.... You know these Circuit cooler sprays are on offer don't ya love...buy 2 get one free !

Manbot - But we only require 1.

Checkout Lady- Yeah but, if you buy one more you get another one free of charge, for nothing...Gratis !

Manbot - We only require one.

Checkout Lady - OK then, if you're sure. Now did you need a hand packing?

Manbot - No thank you, we can manage.

Checkout Lady - Course you can, big strong fella like yourself.

Manbot - There doesn't appear to be any room to put the bag down.

Checkout Lady- Oh, yeah sorry I had to bring me baby in to work today. Bloody babysitter fell through. I could have left him with a nannybot... but I don't really trust em'.... no offence, I'm sure your alright. Anyway, by the time you've paid for one it's not worth coming to work.

Manbot - But it's in the designated bagging area.

Checkout Lady - Oh, just put it next to it, it doesn't matter.

Manbot - I do not compute.

Checkout Lady- Just put it next to it. There's plenty of room, next to the bagging area

Ladybot - I cannot do that - That area is specifically for bagging and I am only programmed to bag things in the designated area.

Checkout Lady - No, it's fine, just put next to the bagging area.

Manbot I cannot do this. Do not compute.

Ladybot - Do, not compute ,

Both - Do not compute , do not compute.... Must be in specified area for bagging, do not compute , do not compute, do not compute ...

FX - explosion.

Checkout Lady - oh, dear......now, are you sure you don't want 2 more of those cooler sprays ?

I like this idea, though you're right it's a bit long, you could get the whoel first section over in 2 lines. The smalltalk section is funny.

How about a new punchline, "[Intercom click] Cleanup on check-out 4, clean up on checkout 4"?

Okay idea, but the intro does not fit, and there is too much exposition in the opening lines. A robot is using a human checkout, that is really all we need to know.

For this sketch I think you need to make the robots sound a bit more robotic.

Thanks Gappy. Like the new punchline. Might nick that ; )

Thanks Tursiops - I think I agree about the intro. I kind of liked the idea of having quite a dramatic intro about how the machines took over the world and then cutting to them doing something as mundane as shopping.... Anyway...
I get what your saying about them sounding more like robots, especially at the beginning, it is quite a human sounding exchange. I guess I was hoping just using Robot voices might mask over that ??

I agree with Tursiops. I think you need to make them exceptionally robotic with little hint of emotion to get some conflict across. I like the idea.

I think its great, but like a lot of these 2525 sketch's I've read, not very funny, I'm starting to wonder if they will be funnier when they are performed?
But then I watched a new comedy with Catherine tate and David walliams in last week and thought it was a load of garbage and about as funny as hemeroids, and this made TV! so what do I know, but I just think the Idea is amusing, the way its done excellent, but there's no jokes!!