New Animated Show - Looking for any thoughts

Hi there

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJZSn-Fha0w

Show Name: City Boy Blues

To keep a long story short, two years ago I decided to attempt learning animation so that I could use it as a vehicle for my comedy writing. Throughout those years, there were several demo videos and false starts, but I have always considered the show 'City Boy Blues' to be the flagship of my work.

Last Christmas, I produced a couple of animations and bought them to this forum to get people's feeddback, and although I didn't receive a load of replies, the ones that I did get were very detailed and helped to shape what City Boys has now become.

So I would be really appreciative to anybody who takes the time to watch this new show that I have created and provide me with their thoughts and opinions. The video is just short of 4 minutes, and is the first of three parts of the first episode, with the other two set to follow over the next week or so.

I have to point out that the language used in the show is bad, and therefore NSFW, but is used for effect rather than every other word being swearing. I also understand that not everyone will 'get' the whole 'take the piss' humour, but hopefully those that don't find it funny will still be able to see some positives in it.

For more information on the show, visit www.foreverdelayed.net

Thanks in advance

Simon (HangmanSi)

PS: One of the playlists on the YouTube channel contains trimmed down versions of the Christmas videos from last year, if anyones interested.

Hi Simon,

I can't sleep so I'll give you some feedback.

The animation is beautiful. But for me, the script doesn't do it justice. There is no story yet and characters are interchangeable. To me, it just felt like banter with a few swear words. I didn't really laugh, but I may well not be your target audience.

If I were you, I would go back to basics on comedy writing, story structure and character creation. Post the script in critique and make sure it is as good as it could possibly be before spending all that time on the animation.

Just my view. Good luck with it - your dedication to learn animation is admirable, and comercially very astute in today's market. I don't doubt you will be successful with his eventually.

I also cannot sleep and I agree with everything Jennie said. Excellent animation skills.

I rather liked this, very nice animation (especially those clouds at the beginning pleasingly ambient).
The dialogue was actually pretty good in my POV, a nice old fashioned bit of idiot baiting.

However I think unless you strengthen the characters and setting, it isn't going to last that long.

You need to answer the 3 essential questions of sitcom

Who are they?
Why are they stuck together?
Why do they fail?

Thanks for the feedback so far, especially about how good the animation is, seeing as how I'm not really a 'proper' animator.

For the feedback regarding the lack of story/character development, I'd be interested to see if you still feel like this after the next 2 parts are released. Part 2 is a couple of days away from completion, and part 3 is due sometime next week. I'll keep popping back an updating whenever I have something new to show.

I'll watch with interest but please try and avoid the most heartbreaking mistake of critique.

Investing lots of effort in production without investing time in scripting.

Seriously dodge the bullet.

How quickly do you produce these? It really is an arse breaking job I know.

It is indeed. The turnaround time for this episode has been quite small because most of the sets were drawn in advance. There will be a bit of downtime between this and the next episode, although the script is already written for it. I was keen to get the first episode out as a pilot/demo, to see just what kind of feedback it would receive, so that future content can avoid any same mistakes.

And the fact that this whole thing is done in spare time.

I would so reccomend putting up that script before you film it

Quote: sootyj @ August 19 2013, 9:39 PM BST

I would so reccomend putting up that script before you film it

View original

x1000000000000000000.

I like the faces, but why does everyone move sideways? Reminds me a bit of South Park, but without the wit. I found the relentlessly macho banter boring and depressing.

I read all the other comments first so wasn't expecting much.Here we go again - a load of old bollocks. I hate you!It's dead good!The swearing's so over the top it's funny.This is how young eejits talk.I often use the word "f**k" myself especially when the news is on and I usually combine it with "off" and "you lying bastards" as well.Now,I thought a few years back -I should learn to animate so I can do what you're doing.Too lazy. Apathetic. Didn't bother . Well done for doing it and good luck with it.Don't listen to any negative shite on this site.Get it out there.

The level of detail in the art is great, the fact that you're new to animation is really very impressive indeed. Personally, I'd like to see a dash more fluidity within the characters movements, maybe a few head turns or something to just bring them a bit more to life.

The script wasn't for me but in a way it reminded me of 'The Life And Times Of Tim' with the mix of fluid dialogue on there, with the stiff animation is a great effect, although I guess that wasn't intentionally on your part, was it?

Anyway, keep it up. You obviously have a knack for it.

Firstly it is not my sort of thing (I don't like South Park). That said I thought this was really well done and I can absolutely see a market for it. After the pub this would cause mayhem to the right audience there would be Fosters and kebab spat out all over the carpet...

Keep doing it, my only comments would be -

1) As others have mentioned work on the script, write and rewrite. A couple of really good gags would lift this to another level.

2) I could not differentiate between the voices enough. Give each a more distinctive character vocally.

But then wtf do I know?

Good luck with it.

Quote: playfull @ August 20 2013, 12:54 PM BST

Firstly it is not my sort of thing (I don't like South Park).

View original

If you think that this is ANYTHING like South Park (beyond the simplistic animation) then I recommend you try re-watching South Park, because it is FAR-FAR beyond a bunch of kids with gutter mouths.