My 2525 offering - Mutation Lawyers 4 U

Scene: Interior of a busy office, noise of telephones ringing and conversations being had in the background.

Woman: Who's next please?

Man: That would be me (takes a seat in front of her)

Woman: Good morning Sir and welcome to Mutation Lawyers 4 U. How can we help you get the compensation you deserve today?

Man: Well as you can see, I suffered a terrible mutation at work and I think I should be due some cash for it.

Woman: (quizzically) As I can see...?

Man: (annoyed) Not you as well? It's blindingly obvious what's happened.

Woman: Well let's see. One head, two legs, two arms...

Man: Exactly!

Woman: Exactly?

Man: Two arms. Two. Two-thirds of the number I had before the accident.

Woman: Aaaah, right. So you were a mutant, and now you're not?

Man: I'll thank you not to use that kind of discriminatory language young lady

Woman: Sorry Sir, no arm intended

Man: Oi, I'm warning you...

Woman: So how did this unfortunate accident occur.

Man: Well, I was out taking part in the giant panda cull...

Woman: Ah yes, the giant pandas. Worst thing the 21st century did, teaching the little sods that sex could be fun. Planet's overrun with them now.

Man: So as I was saying... I was out taking part in the giant panda cull, when suddenly one of them reared up in front of me. Fifteen feet tall it was, all teeth and claws and fire in its eyes.

Woman: Oh yes, that sounds just like a giant panda Sir.

Man: Pulled out my railgun, squeezed the trigger. Nothing. Jammed, hadn't it? Next thing I know the panda has ripped my arm off and is beating me unconscious with it. If it hadn't been for that van from the bamboo furniture store driving past who knows what would have happened.

Woman: And everyone thinks they're so cuddly and armless

Man: Careful...

Woman: So how has this de-mutating affected you?

Man: Well I've lost earnings for a start

Woman: From the panda cull?

Man: No, from my day job. I'm a juggler.

Woman: (snorts) Anything else Sir?

Man: Well there's the cost of a new wardrobe. All those custom made shirts and jackets I've had to throw away.

Woman: Ok Sir, well I'm sorry but based on what you've told me, I can't see how you can have a claim for damages

Man: What!! I'm missing an arm. I've lost money. I've had to buy new clothes, how can I not have a claim?

Woman: See that's the thing with panda related injuries Sir

Man: What?

Woman: Nothing's ever black and white.

END

Good stuff. All I would say is, it's sort of somewhere between two jokes: 1) a twist on injury lawyers where people in some dystopian future claim for their inevitable mutations, 2) a straight injury claim where someone has lost a mutated limb, therefore leaving them "normal". Both could be very good, but we're kind of in the middle at the mo.

What about having him claim for the loss of a limb, and her then to discover that 12 months ago he claimed compensation for the extra limb mutation, and do something with that? Maybe not, on reflection. Anyway, there's promising stuff here, that's for sure.

The punchline is unforgivable. They'll probably love it.

Quick note - it'as radio, how do we hear someone "taking a sdeat opposute her"? Just cut the first two lines, they're doing nothing at the moment.

I would say don't mix too many ideas. The Giant Panda cull is a good idea, but I think it's a separate one. Stick with the idea of the mutant who becomes 'normal' and craft your jokes around that - there's a lot you could do with it. You've got another sketch in the panda cull.

Cheers. Fair point on the opening lines, bit unnecessary (unless it takes me into an extra half minute, in which case they're worth £9 each)

Couldn't resist the punch. Was trying to think of something more "clever" but struggled to come up with anything else that worked so just went with it in the end.

Quote: sglen @ August 17 2013, 1:27 PM BST

I would say don't mix too many ideas. The Giant Panda cull is a good idea, but I think it's a separate one. Stick with the idea of the mutant who becomes 'normal' and craft your jokes around that - there's a lot you could do with it. You've got another sketch in the panda cull.

View original

I'm not convinced there are two sketches there. I could probably work another sketch on the panda cull, but taking it out of this one means re-doing the punchline and coming up with another "comedy" way he could have lost the third arm.

Trim the panda stuff. You don't need to explain why they need culling. In fact it is funnier if you don't.

And lose the arm puns.

I like it and it is bang on brief.

Keep the Pandas, Love the punch line. The explanation of the 21st century's involvement is clunky, I would loose it and just refer to the Panda plague.

If you want to stretch the sketch for the extra £'s then write the intro.

"It's 2525 the year of the first great Panda plague. Serial claimant Zak Logan enters the offices of Mutant Lawyers 4 U"

There you go you have a returning character!

Feel free to ignore...

I liked the punchline. Could do with trimming it down a bit as it could be more concise. The arm gags are too forced, so I'd say bin them.

I liked this. I liked the panda stuff, but as a couple of people have already said.. Could lose the exposition. Just referring to a panda cull is funny . I laughed at he first 'arm'joke, but thought the second one was too much. Punch line was abut Groany, but kind of in a old way... I think.

Nice one though.

As others are posting their 2525 stuff, thought I'd bump this for anyone who hasn't seen it and might like to comment