British Comedy Guide

Cartel

A DINGY LIT, BLOOD-SPLATTERED ROOM WITH AIR-CON WHIRRING.

A MAN IN T-SHIRT STANDS FACING US.

BEHIND HIM, FOUR MEN WEARING MASKS AND MILITARY CLOTHING. THEY ARE HOLDING A VARIETY OF WEAPONS; BASEBALL BAT, CLEAVER, CHAINSAW, AND AN AXE.

MAN
(UNSEEN)
What is your name?

LUPE
My name is Lupe Pedroza.

MAN
Who are you working for?

LUPE
I work for Los Zetas.

MAN
What was your job?

LUPE
To distribute narcos and collect money.

MAN
- and collect money?

LUPE
Yes. If you didn't pay, I might be the last man you'd ever see.

MAN
You know who we are?

LUPE
Yes. You are the feared WCD.

MAN
You scared?

LUPE
But of course. Your methods are feared by everybody.

WE HEAR A MIDDLE-CLASS MAN'S VOICE.

2ND MAN
Excellent. Well chaps, I'm very happy.

THE CAMERA PANS AROUND TO SEE A DESK. THREE SUITED GUYS STAND UP, SMILING.

2ND MAN
(HOLDING OUT HAND)
The job's yours. Welcome to the WONGA COLLECTION DEPARTMENT.

Best thing you've written, Paul :)

Made me smile. Nice and topical.

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