Selfie

Would like your thoughts on this, especially the ending.

Sarah poses in front of her camera phone.
Rob:What you doing?

Sarah:I'm taking a selfie.

Rob:A what?

Sarah:A picture of myself.

Rob:They gave that a name?

Sarah: Yeah. Tilt your head, pout your lips like a surprised vagina and then click. It's cool.

Robh, (takes phone out, pulls a pose).

SarahAngrily) It's not for men!

Robh right. Well how about we take a picture together? You could call it a 'groupie'.

Sarah shakes her head in anger and shame.

Sarah:That's not a thing.

Rob:How come you never want your picture taken with me?

Sarah:It's just that...you're not that photogenic.

Rob:Yeah I am!

Rob quickly takes a selfie, pulling a weird face and shows it to Sarah.

SarahIn disgust) Oh sweet Lord.

Rob:What?!

Sarah: My Great Aunt Rosie had never used a computer in her life. She bought a laptop, figured out how to use it, and then went to evening classes for a year to learn Photoshop, just so she could crop you out of all the pictures from her 90th birthday party.

Rob:That's not true, I was in that one with your Uncle Charlie!

Sarah: He's a sex offender, she couldn't crop you both out. Otherwise it'd just be a picture of a grotty bowling club function room.

Rob: Sex offender? But we went swimming all those times. I can't believe you're ashamed of the way I look.

Sarah: Nonsense. (beat) I'm ashamed of the way you dress, I'm ashamed of the way you smell, I'm ashamed of the way you don't clear you internet history...

Rob:Research for a novel!

Sarah:The way you look is the one thing I am not ashamed of.
Rob:Aw thanks. So you think I'm handsome?

Sarah:I wouldn't go that far.

Rob:Fine, that's it, I'm outta here.

Rob goes to leave.

Sarah:Aw, no but Wednesday is sex night.

Rob:Have a selfie!

Really enjoyed the first half. Thought perhaps the Uncle Charlie business was a touch OTT, but the opening exchanges are great. The punchline is nice enough, but I think it might work better if they have a fight, and she says it to him, men don't withold sex as punishment (at least, not in sketchland, anyway).

Funnily enough, it could almost be the same couple from the Mancave sketch I just posted. "It's not for men!"

Some nice lines; is it intended as a sketch or a sitcom extract? The grandmothers birthday party exchanges throw it off a bit.

Thanks, we did this live at a gig at the Edinburgh Festival and it got a few laughs throughout but the mics cut off and the audience couldn't hear the ending which was pretty annoying!

Nice one , Mikey Boy.You're getting very good at the dialogue.It reads well.Easy to imagine it being performed.

I liked it until the sex offender bit, then to me it went downhill and became a bit messy, but nice dialogue and style to it.

Liked this sketch, maybe some trimming would make it even better.

Selfie. I seen people writing it on their pictures. annoying word.

As others have pointed out, the dialogue is nice and natural which impresses me. However, I felt the punchline was the weak point. You go through quite a lot of exchanges, but it all ends in a wank gag which doesn't really give the sketch any closure. I think exploring the Rob's inability to be photogenic would me more interesting.

"Pout your lips like a surprised vagina." is a terrific line .Who did you steal it from?You comedy thief,you!

Jaicee, I just go by the rule that a simile is a chance to get a laugh!

I've chopped the sketch down and will post an edited version once I've thought of a better joke for the end.

It's good as it is old fellow BOP pal.Don't try and polish it too much.Have you punted in anything to 2525 yet?Radio thing set 500 years in the future?Check the writing opportunities thing.

Jaicee, yeah I'll probably send stuff to that radio show. Although I'm quite enjoying just making comedy for myself and the eight people (rounding up to the nearest eight) that follow CORRsketches. Here's a new version, comments please.

Sarah poses in front of her camera phone.
Rob:What you doing?

Sarah:I'm taking a selfie.

Rob:A what?

Sarah:A picture of myself.

Rob:They gave that a name?

Sarah: Yeah. Tilt your head, pout your lips like a surprised vagina and then click. It's cool.

Robh (takes phone out, pulls a pose).

SarahAngrily) It's not for men!

Robh right. Well how about we take a picture together? You could call it a 'groupie'.

Sarah shakes her head in anger and shame.

Sarah:That's not a thing.

Rob:How come you never want your picture taken with me?

Sarah:It's just that...you're not that photogenic.

Rob:Yeah I am!

Rob quickly takes a selfie, pulling a weird face and shows it to Sarah.

SarahIn disgust) Oh sweet Lord.

Rob:What?!

Sarah:My Great Aunt Rosie had never used a computer in her life. She bought a laptop, figured out how to use it, and then went to evening classes for a year to learn Photoshop, just so she could crop you out of all the pictures from her 90th birthday party.

Rob:I can't believe you're ashamed of the way I look.

Sarah: Nonsense. (beat) I'm ashamed of the way you dress, I'm ashamed of the way you smell, I'm ashamed of the way you don't clear you internet history...

Robto audience) Research for a novel.

Sarah:The way you look is the one thing I am not ashamed of.

Rob:Aw thanks. So you think I'm handsome?

Sarah:I wouldn't go that far.

Rob:Fine, that's it, I'm outta here.

Rob goes to leave.

Sarah:Aw, no but Wednesday is sex night.

Rob:Have a selfie.

Sarah:Alright, alright. Let's take a picture together.

Rob:Really?

Sarah:Yeah, c'mere.

Sarah holds her camera up. Before she takes a picture she jolts and gags.

Rob:What the...?

Sarah:Think I just swallowed a bee.

Rob:But aren't you...

Sarah:My faeth. My faeth ith thwelling!

Sarah's face begins to balloon.

Rob:I'll get your pills. (beat) Although...

Rob takes a picture with the pair of them; Rob pulling a weird face, Sarah all swollen.

Rob:I look normal compared you!

Sarah:Thucking hell.

Rob:This is going on facebook!

Quote: Michael Hughes @ August 12 2013, 6:08 PM BST

Rob:Research for a novel!

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