Tigerfeet, setup Page 4

Quote: paul ivey @ August 10 2013, 4:56 PM BST

but I found yours and his stuff not my style either. I found it too fast and frantic.

View original

Quote: paul ivey @ August 11 2013, 8:51 AM BST

In fact, I may have too much going on. One thing is for certain, modern films, books and comedies have a lot going on. Plenty of scenes. Seinfeld might have say, twelve scenes, but the fashion now is too have many more. Some twenty-five minute comedies now have between thirty to forty scenes.

It gives it a raw, fast-paced feel.

View original

?

That's where we disagree then Sooty. That line has subtext.

- Owen's father might have been a grafter - but Owen certainly isn't!

Now I am intrigued why is that funny?

Quote: sootyj @ August 11 2013, 9:23 AM BST

Now I am intrigued why is that funny?

View original

In the right context any line can be funny.

For instance:

A grown man arguing with a child is funny. Maybe they are playing Scrabble, the kid puts up a word the adult doesn't like. In pathetic anger, the adult tips up the board.

Another:

OWEN
Don't talk to me about hard graft - my father spent his life down pit!

now: This line shouted at an industrious child by a shirking adult is funny.

Shirker versus grafter is a classical clash of contrasts.

Again nope

Cmon you're having a laugh with us aren't you?

You see that's just a normal reaction, so you're not twisting it or exaggerating it for effect.

You see that's just a normal reaction, so you're not twisting it or exaggerating it for effect.

I'm sorry but your stuff has no subtext. Imo, it is gag-filled talking heads.

But that is what you like so...

I'd be interested to see you offer some critique in the actual threads I write in.
Seriously go nuts.

Quote: sootyj @ August 11 2013, 9:39 AM BST

Again nope

Cmon you're having a laugh with us aren't you?

You see that's just a normal reaction, so you're not twisting it or exaggerating it for effect.

You see that's just a normal reaction, so you're not twisting it or exaggerating it for effect.

View original

Yes, that Sooty is where we differ. I think the reader should be able to get the line first time. Your technique is hit them over the head with the line repeatedly. The audience should not be treated as dim.

Best of luck with it Paul, you obviously know what you like and find funny. Get it out there that's the real test.

Quote: paul ivey @ August 11 2013, 9:07 AM BST

I can only write about what makes ME laugh.

Do you find this line funny?

OWEN
Don't talk to me about hard graft. My father spent his whole life down pit!

View original

It's a decent line.

Quote: Marc P @ August 11 2013, 9:45 AM BST

Best of luck with it Paul, you obviously know what you like and find funny. Get it out there that's the real test.

View original

Thank you. I want to be honest with myself and write what "I" find funny. A lot of people write what they think others like.

I know one thing though, in real life, when I'm at work or in the pub, I'm one of those guys who likes to find the one-liner. Not always funny - true. But I do find some great lines occasionally.

If my stuff sucks, it sucks, but I'm gonna keep at it.

Quote: Tursiops @ August 11 2013, 9:53 AM BST

It's a decent line.

View original

Thank you, sir.

I've got a feeling that Sooty is young and shoots from the hip.

I think that line is okay, too. It delineates character. There's a lot of subtext in that line. It makes you think of the lazy guy so-so saying it to you.

Quote: paul ivey @ August 11 2013, 9:56 AM BST

Thank you. I want to be honest with myself and write what "I" find funny. A lot of people write what they think others like.

I know one thing though, in real life, when I'm at work or in the pub, I'm one of those guys who likes to find the one-liner. Not always funny - true. But I do find some great lines occasionally.

If my my stuff sucks, it sucks, but I'm gonna keep at it.

Thank you, sir.

I've got a feeling that Sooty is young and shoots from the hip.

I think that line is okay, too. It delineates character. There's a lot of subtext in that line. It makes you think of the lazy guy so-so saying it to you.

View original

I'd never assume anything on the internet. And to be honest usually if you have to explain/defend a joke it's not working. Usually.. anyway. And lines are the carapace of a successful sitcom not its skeleton.

Quote: Marc P @ August 11 2013, 10:08 AM BST

I'd never assume anything on the internet. And to be honest usually if you have to explain/defend a joke it's not working. Usually.. anyway. And lines are the carapace of a successful sitcom not its skeleton.

View original

Thanks for teaching me a new word. I'll slip it in down the pub tonight.

In my opinion which is of no real consequence anyway as I'm not in a position to help you or , indeed , hinder you, this is a good CBBC or CITV show.It's a nice light drama with good kid and adult characters.Please don't take offence. Everything I've ever punted to The Comedy Unit has been deemed by them "would make a good stage play" or "this is more of a drama than a comdey". Note , they never say "this is shite" or even worse , completely ignore it . The kiss of death is to be completely blanked.Good luck with it.Apparently it's hard to write kid's stuff.Tried it myself and no joy.

It's a big word, experiment a bit at home first.