Quote: paul ivey @ August 10 2013, 6:41 PM BSTNettle rash is better than hives.
At last an expert, would you mind looking at this angry rash I have...?
Tigerfeet, setup Page 3
The cat idea is fine as a subplot, but you want a good strong main plot, and you should hit the ground running, introducing it in the first few pages. Something like the house - Edwardian or not - is going to be repossessed by the bank unless the next mortgage payment can be met. The quirky dialogue and jokes will then fit around this structure, and you'll have the making of a sitcom.
Quote: Shandonbelle @ August 10 2013, 7:09 PM BSTI know! that's why I finished it with 'eh'..lost in translation as is the won't on 'tweb.
Now I understand
Quote: beaky @ August 10 2013, 7:19 PM BSTThe cat idea is fine as a subplot, but you want a good strong main plot, and you should hit the ground running, introducing it in the first few pages. Something like the house - Edwardian or not - is going to be repossessed by the bank unless the next mortgage payment can be met. The quirky dialogue and jokes will then fit around this structure, and you'll have the making of a sitcom.
A subplot? I just watched an episode of Seinfeld called The Chinese restaurant. The whole episode was spent standing there not getting served.
I think if that is okay for a plot, my male tortoishell is great.
You know best.
Quote: beaky @ August 10 2013, 9:11 PM BSTYou know best.
I never realised that Seinfeld lacked jokes AND subplots
I feel such an idiot for laughing at it.
Can I sue someone?
Jennie want to represent me?
if only his arrogance was matched by his talent...
Quote: beaky @ August 10 2013, 9:21 PM BSTif only his arrogance was matched by his talent...
If that were the case, he'd be significantly less fun to have around. 
I think he's doing it deliberately for our amusement.
Quote: sootyj @ August 10 2013, 9:20 PM BSTJennie want to represent me?
I only really do crime - done anything you feel guilty about recently?
Quote: Jennie @ August 10 2013, 9:25 PM BSTIf that were the case, he'd be significantly less fun to have around.
I only really do crime - done anything you feel guilty about recently?
I bet that chat up line works all the time
Quote: sootyj @ August 10 2013, 9:58 PM BSTI bet that chat up line works all the time
Hell yeah
Another point on my story is Owen Fothersgill loathes cats. He finds out that the cat he has been lumbered with is a male tortoishell.
Male tortoiseshells are a genetic malfunction and extremely rare.
Owen thinks that the cat must be valuable. Rarity = value.
His greed makes him effect fake frienship with the cat, only to be dropped a bombshell...The cat ain't worth a light.
This will give me a chance to have a fun reversal.
In my subplots, Milton and Doughnut make a YouTube video. Doughnut wears a trenchcoat and goth make-up. He's threatening to go "postal" at school. They send a link to Doughnut's bully.
I've got other subplots, too. Zenia, in order to make her "cashola", will take a fake "tumble" and call "Claims Direct", as she attempts to sue the cleaning lady.
In fact, I may have too much going on. One thing is for certain, modern films, books and comedies have a lot going on. Plenty of scenes. Seinfeld might have say, twelve scenes, but the fashion now is too have many more. Some twenty-five minute comedies now have between thirty to forty scenes.
It gives it a raw, fast-paced feel.
OK assuming youre not a troll you simply don't understand what a joke is.
In quirky dialogue the bits that make people laugh, even if they're not specifically identified as jokes are the jokes.
In fact the more natural and less joke like the better. In sitcom you're trying to twist perception, change meaning, exaggerate etc.
None of the stuff you suggested is especially funny, though the Goth threatening video is potential.
But look at how you can present these ideas in a funny way.
Quote: sootyj @ August 11 2013, 8:59 AM BSTOK assuming youre not a troll you simply don't understand what a joke is.
In quirky dialogue the bits that make people laugh, even if they're not specifically identified as jokes are the jokes.
In fact the more natural and less joke like the better. In sitcom you're trying to twist perception, change meaning, exaggerate etc.None of the stuff you suggested is especially funny, though the Goth threatening video is potential.
But look at how you can present these ideas in a funny way.
I can only write about what makes ME laugh.
Do you find this line funny?
OWEN
Don't talk to me about hard graft. My father spent his whole life down pit!
No
But play on the ,waning
Myndad spent his whole life down the pit
You mean he didn't tidy his bedroom?
Or
My dad spent his whole life down the pit
What, hiding from the DSS?
If you are trolling I don't mind, I kinda like playing with critique whatever the circumstances