Six-part sketch show on Radio 4 looking for submissions: http://johnstanleyproductions.com/#submissions
Dan
2525
Sounds great.
I have been writing some radio sketch's
Thanks for the heads-up Dan, got a couple of ideas knocking around that I might be able to use.
As well as being a great opportunity in and of itself, this should also be an excellent warm up for the new series of Newsjack.
Don't use them, if you want my advice. I read it as: 'these are the ridiculous characters we came up, what can *you* do?!'
Dan
Quote: swerytd @ August 7 2013, 10:40 AM BSTDon't use them, if you want my advice. I read it as: 'these are the ridiculous characters we came up, what can *you* do?!'
Dan
Please tell me there is a missing word in that sentence.
If only they'd not made reference to that 6:30pm slot...
Dan
I'm going to have a stab at this. I've got a couple of old sketches that I can update to fit the theme, but will try and come up with some originals too.
Quote: Ben @ August 9 2013, 7:52 PM BSTI'm going to have a stab at this. I've got a couple of old sketches that I can update to fit the theme, but will try and come up with some originals too.
Hmmmm... an old sketch you can update..?
A customer enters a non-human companion hypermarket.
Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
Owner: We're closin' for lunch - come back at 6.75.
Mr. Praline: Never mind that futuristic decimal clock, my lad. I wish to complain about this Qu'lpah what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Betelgeusian Pink...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's just in suspended animation.
Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead Qu'lpah when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's in hypersleep'! Remarkable qu'lpah, the Betelgeusian Pink, idn'it, ay? Beautiful iridescent scales!
Mr. Praline: The scales don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister K'eaqqa Qu'lpah! I've got a lovely fresh ferrous meteorite for you if you show...
(FX: wibbly tone FX)
Owner: There, he moved!
Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you varying the containment field modulating frequency!
Owner: I never!!
Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!
Owner: I never, never did anything...
Mr. Praline: (yelling to accompanimemnt of the wibbly tone fx) 'ELLO K'EAQQA!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your planetfall alarm call!
(Takes qu'lpah out and thumps what passes to be its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead qu'lpah.
Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?
Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Betelgeusian Pink stun easily.
Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That xenomorph is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged intergalactic hyperjump.
Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the nebulae.
Mr. Praline: PININ' for the NEBULAE?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
Owner: The Betelgeusian Pink prefers kippin' on it's back helps avoid hyperflight muscle deterioration! Remarkable qu'lpah, id'nit, squire? Lovely scales!
Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that qu'lpah when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been hovering over its perch in the first place was that it had been placed into an anti-gravity stasis field there.
(pause)
Owner: Well, o'course it was in an anti-gravity statsis field! If I hadn't done that it would have nuzzled up to the containment field, destabilized it with tri-state quantum field interconnectedness, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this xenomorph wouldn't "voom" if you put four million degree plasma through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
Owner: No no! 'E's pining!
Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This qu'lpah is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't placed him in an anti=gravity stasis field 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-QU'LPAH!!
(pause)
FX: Terrible wailing screeching, bangs and an odd sickly moist noise like a person trying to eat spaghetti by manically flapping a wet flannel at the bowl.
Qu'lpah: (METALLIC INHUMAN SCREECHING VOICE) Ky'i-hghiffy p'fwii fhtagn kx'thai
Mr. Praline: Oh - he WAS sleeping.
Ok.
Quote: Judgement Dave @ August 9 2013, 9:08 PM BSTHmmmm... an old sketch you can update..?
Mr. Praline: Oh - he WAS sleeping.
V. Good.
I absolutely would send that in and see if they can get the appropriate permission to use it! The 'publicity value' for the show alone would justify using it!
That goes for 'Four Kindles' as well!
Wasn't the "four candles" sketch updated for a Ronnie Barker tribute?
Seem to remember something about getting an apple and a blackberry on Orange, and an eggs box for £3.60?
Quote: Tim Azure @ August 10 2013, 7:11 AM BSTWhat about the four Kindles sketch?
Booyah!
That's it.Got 5 sketches written and submitted.Call me a sceptical old sod but I don't think I'll be ordering the champagene soon .I'd be willing to bet that none are used.Statistically the odds are against any non-commissioned writers. It's a very long shot but worth a punt.
Fair dues getting them off and running early Jaicee....but interested to know why so early though? I've had a few ideas but not written anything yet.
They asked for non-com writers to send stuff in...that says to me they are looking to use their efforts should it be good enough and what they are looking for.