Seating Sketch

Int. Pub

Brian is sat at a table with a drink. Sarah approaches. Brian adjusts his seating position.

Sarah:
Well hello, Brian! You look just like your profile picture!

Brian:
So do you, Sarah! You're looking very nice! Take a seat!

Sarah goes to sit down.

Brian:
Don't sit there! I mean, sit more to the left. It's less drafty there.

Sarah moves the seat.

Brian:
A little bit to the right. You'll be too close to the heater.

Sarah moves the seat. Brian sighs.

Brian:
Ok! I'll move!

Brian adjusts his chair and Sarah sits down.

Sarah:
(LAUGHS) What's with all the musical chairs?

Brian:
I'm sorry. Look, I should explain. I'm incredibly handsome, but only when viewed at 75 degrees. All 359 other degrees and (MIMICS VOMITING).

Sarah:
Don't be silly! I'm sure you look fine!

Sarah shifts her chair, so Brian shifts his chair an equal amount. A game of chair shifting begins around the table. Sarah gets frustrated and stands up.

Sarah:
For God's sake just look at me straight on!

Brian reluctantly looks at Sarah straight on. His face has suddenly twisted and contorted into an ugly gaze with his teeth sticking out.

Sarah:
It's not that bad.

Brian:
I'm going to go.

Sarah:
No, really, it doesn't bother me. It's what's inside that counts.

Brian:
Yeah, I know, but, the thing is, from this angle, you look really, really, disgustingly fat.

Sarah throws Brian's drink over him.

Brian:
Is it the face?

ENDS

Yeah, a good, lean and original sketch with a really good punch. The only thing that bothered me was wondering how they'd coped before with this or wether this was their first meeting.

Re-reading it I realise you've put in the 'stand me up' line to suggest a date but I think that could pass by unnoticed - it did for me.

What about:

Sarah: What a treat - you look exactly like your profile photo -

Brian: From 75 degrees I do... etc.

Yeah I did think about, Godot. I'll have a think about making it clearer. Thanks for the comment.

Edit: And, in fact, I've edited it.

That's better.

You've left in the 'incredibly handsome' line though rather than link his movement and talk of angles to a desire to resemble his profile picture.

Anyway, enough of me - other people comment on this sketch!

It's a good visual gag well suited for TV.Fresh idea.

Yeah, it's quite interesting. I think played out, it could look visually interesting too if shot in a stylized way.

I like how neat it is

Thanks, Jaicee and Lee! Visuals would certainly be key for this.

Quote: sootyj @ August 3 2013, 10:09 PM BST

I like how neat it is

View original

And SootyJ, too! I did think about making it a little longer, but it seemed pointless.

Nice idea. Might be difficult to film, have you thought about radio?

Quote: Tursiops @ August 4 2013, 11:37 AM BST

Nice idea. Might be difficult to film, have you thought about radio?

View original

Yes, that would really work, get this wierd face working in the imagination.

"I'm sure you'll look just fine if I move round the table a little and - AAARGH!!"

Perhaps there could be an ending where she sounds like a racist witch if she doesn't speak in A minor, or something.

I hadn't considered it for radio, but with a little tinkering it could translate quite easily. Thanks, chaps!

I don't think it would be too tricky to film. As long as Brian was filmed from the same angle and was in the same posture the audience should buy in to it. Unless they get their protractors up against the screen.

Jerry Seinfeld did it by using passing overhead streetlights in a taxi cab ride and it worked to a degree, but unusually for him it seemed like a lot of work for such a very basic gag.

Perhaps if the facial condition was on a par with Cyrano De Bergerac in that it creates a degree of stoicism in the character which you could then reflect in the dialogue.

That way you could work on the punch line as it is wholly diluted by the synchronicity required to have two people with varying physical anomalies meeting each other at the exact angles required for the gag to have legs.

As for radio,you would have your work cut out but it may well be worth while exercise in conveying visual into text without giving the caper away in the first few lines.

You've basically got portrait painter vs Picasso. Difficult meld in the real world. Could be good as a cartoon, I think.

Not that complex at all to be honest Stonked. The tricks to create something that you know may never be universal but should at least be comprehensive in its appeal.

As we well know from these boards many a writer can go off on a tangent and create their own branch of pseudo intellectual comedic surrealism, but the reality remains that there is barely a line between shit and funny in this field.

Best to judge this for what it is a basic gag that would require a lot of effort for a currently piss poor pay off.

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ August 4 2013, 2:22 PM BST

Not that complex at all to be honest Stonked. The tricks to create something that you know may never be universal but should at least be comprehensive in its appeal.

As we well know from these boards many a writer can go off on a tangent and create their own branch of pseudo intellectual comedic surrealism, but the reality remains that there is barely a line between shit and funny in this field.

Best to judge this for what it is a basic gag that would require a lot of effort for a currently piss poor pay off.

View original

Hey? I'm not sure we're talking about the same thing, are we? I was commenting on the inherent difficulty in presenting the faces and bodies in wildly contrasting ways. I visualised the grotesque/unattractive features in the manner of Picasso, and I thought the cartoon format could accommodate that distinction most effectively.