Stating the bleeding obvious but read the first 2 scenes first then this might make sense.
SCENE 3 EXT FLAE BUILDING CAR PARK SAME DAY
MORNING (10.15)
Denis the handyman is sweeping leaves with a broom whilst smoking a large joint.
A flash car with the number-plate DJ 1 comes through the gate . The car window winds down. Dave Jamieson is small , thin and has the face of a man who has tried every remedy for constipation but is still blocked .
DAVE JAMIESON
Morning Jock! Bing Bang Bong!
DENNIS
Whit?
DAVE JAMIESON
How about a song?
DENNIS
If ye're wanting a song son , ye'll have to go somewhere else.
This is what is commonly referred to as a car park. Nae singers! Nae songs here , pal.
DAVE JAMIESON
Oh! Got you , me old jockstrap. Nice one .You're giving me the old ... Glesga' patter. Triffic! Love it! I'll just park over there,
shall I?
DENNIS
Are ye' telling me or asking me?
Pause
Aye, nae bother.
Pause
Oh show me your permit first. I'm forgetting myself.
DAVE JAMIESON
Permit? Oh I haven't got a permit. I'm a guest of the ...
Looks at a bit of paper.
... Fly Like An Eagle Theatre Company. It's the little handicapped people. Gawd love them.
DENNIS
Nae permit , nae parking , nae exceptions.
DAVE JAMIESON
But , don't you know who I am? From the old telly ? Bing bang bong
How about a song ?
DENNIS
Who are any of us really, son? When you get right down to it. I sometimes wonder.
To be honest, I sometimes can't remember who I am so how am I expected to help you with your identity crisis.
DAVE JAMIESON
But you must know me. From the telly? Mister Saturday Night? Cheeky Chappie Cockney Comedian Dave Jamieson?
Some schoolchildren are passing the entrance to the car park and overhear the last sentence.
ALL
Arsehole! Wanker. Pillock! Knobhead! Bastard!
DENNIS
Try up the road there , son. There's a car park about half a mile thataway . You'll find a space there , nae bother.
Dave starts to reverse his car.
Cheery! Have a nice day!
Wee Shug who is one of the cleaners, comes out of the FLAE building and walks up to Denis.
WEE SHUG
Who was that , Denis?
DENNIS
Och it was that arsehole, wanker, pillock, knobhead, bastard Dave Jamieson.
WEE SHUG
Oh I hate him. He didnae say " Bing Bang Bong How About A Song? " did he?
DENNIS
Aye.
WEE SHUG
What a prick!
At this point a car driven by a woman comes through the gate. She winds down the window.
WOMAN
Excuse me dear , is it alright if I park here? I'm afraid I don't have a permit or anything .
DENNIS
Certainly madam. Take your pick. Plenty of spaces. Park for as long as you want. Tell all your friends about it. No permits required or anything .
FADES
