The Neanderthal Apprentice

VO
It's week 5 of the Neanderthal Apprentice and the two teams have been summoned to the cave room by SirAlan.

SirAlan:
Alright we'll start with the Boys team, you were alpha male this week Urko how do you think you did?

Urko:
We not do good SirAlan.

SirAlan:
Alright enough with all the business speak, what went wrong?

Urko:
Team Evolve not very evolved SirAlan, we kill mammoth

SirAlan:
Nothing wrong with killing a mammoth I used to kill mammoths out of the back of a bush in what will one day become Bermondsey.

Urko:
Mammoth still in field! Too heavy to carry back SirAlan

SirAlan:
Well what's the point of that? That's one of the first rules of hunter gathering, if you can't gather it then don't bleeding hunt it in the first place.

Urko:
We paint it on cave wall SirAlan.

SirAlan:
Oh well that's alright then! We've got a nice picture whoop de bloody dooh? I'll have bleeding cave wall for my dinner shall I? Did you actually manage to gather anything worthwhile?

Urko:
Just some berries SirAlan.

SirAlan:
Gathered some Berries did ya? Do you know how hard it is to sell berries with no form or concept of currency? Honestly I've seen Austrolopithecus more evolved than you bunch of numpties. Well let's hope the Girls did a bit better, Oogla how did team Nurture get on this week?

Oogla:
We invent wheel SirAlan

SirAlan:
The wheel? What's the bleeding wheel when it's at home?

Oogla:
We not sure SirAlan, but we think it may help in cab ride home.

SirAlan:
Ok Girls, well done, you've won this weeks task. Off you go and as a special treat we're giving you an all expenses paid dead Diplodocus.
As for the Boys... Urko I want you go out have a chat amongst yourselves, and decide who you want to club over the head & drag back in here.
In the meantime I'm going to have a word in private with Nug & KugRug

VO: Urko decides to Club & Drag Ug & Nog back into the cave room.

SirAlan:
As team leader Urko I hold you responsible, In your interview you said you were a business man, and all I've seen you do is poke things with a stick & hit people over the head with a big bone, and quite frankly I can do that myself. Sorry Urko but on that basis - You're Fired!

Urko:
Fired?... What's fire?

Now that's quality funny self contained lovely characters and a great punchline

You got the Sir Alan dialogue down pat, very funny.

Worked really well, could see it as I read it. Worried what you were going to end with but a great gag to finish.

Very nice.

Great!Keep up the good work.

Nicely captures the show, and neat dialogue. Good punch.

And that's why I love Freve.

I'm having that.

Yes it was very good, although I would have preferred the 'boys' to have been less defeatist, because Apprentice boys are universally overflowing with self-belief. They should really have presented the failed mammoth expedition in an absurdly positive light.

Lovely stuff - was worried it would trample into Armstrong and Miller's neanderthals to start with, but it stood up on its own.

Cheers all.

Getting Sir Sugar off to pat really helped to make a nice little sketch.