Squirrels

SQUIRRELS
 
Sounds of birds whistling and crickets chirping .
 
Mister Red Squirrel
 
It' great being a red squirrel , isn't it Missus ?
 
Mrs Red Squirrel
 
The best, Mister !
 
Mister Red Squirrel
 
May I say how lovely your big red bushy tail looks to-day  , my love .
New style ?
 
Mrs Red Squirrel
 
Yes , do you think it suits me?
 
Mister Red Squirrel
 
Not half...very glamorous . Come here!
 
Sound of squirrel snogging.
 
Mrs Red Squirrel
 
Get off...someone will see.
 
Mister Red Squirrel
 
I don't care ! Let them stare .
 
Pause.
 
 Don't look but there's that new neighbour .
Oh , too late . He's seen us .
 
Mister Grey Squirrel
 
In an American accent .
 
Morning  folks . How are you doing ?
 
Mrs Red Squirrel
 
Oh , good morning Mister Grey Squirrel.
 
Mister Red Quirrel
 
Alright?
 
Mister Grey Squirrel
 
Hey , call me Chuck . That's what all my friends do .
 
Mrs Red Squirrel
 
Good morning ...Chuck.
 
Mister Red Squirrel
 
Mmmmmh ...morning...Chuck!
 
Mister Grey Squirrel
 
Well I better get on. Nuts don't gather themselves . Catch you later !
 
Mrs Red Squirrel
 
Bye bye...Chuck!
 
Mister Red Squirrel
 
Mmmh...see you!
 
Pause
 
Grey bastard!
 
Mrs Red Squirrel
 
Shoosh! That's racist! Somebody'll hear .
 
Mister Red Squirrel
 
The way they come over here looking all...different . Grey , for God's sake . What kind of colour is that for a squirrel . That funny foreign accent .
 
Pause
 
The way he looked ...at your tail .
 
Mrs Red Squirrel
 
He did not! He was just being friendly . And anyway you've got to be tolerant .We live in a multi-racial society now.
 
Pause
 
Jealous?
 
Mister Red Squirrel
 
Of him? No way !
 
Sound of squirrel snogging.
 
Mrs Red Squirrel
 
He is very charming , though.
 
Cuts to Mister Red Squirrel on the phone .
 
Mister Red Squirrel
 
Oh! Hello. Is that the English Red Squirrel Defence League ? Yes?
I'd like to join , please.
 
Ends
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

That's a really neat idea and the dialogue is certainly lively.

I think you could have made that punchline a bit neater?

Drawing direct parallels between, on the one hand red and grey squirrels, and on the other indigenous English and immigrants, puts you on rather dubious political ground given the unhappy fate of the red squirrel.

Having said that there is an idea for a sketch in here somewhere; however, as it stands there is a lot of set up and not much punch.

It would help make your sketches more readable if you used capitals for identifying the speaker.

Your dialogue is just terrific. Love it

If I may offer an alternative ending:
Oh! Hello. Is that DEFRA ? I've just seen a grey squirrel that's riddled with TB. Yes, from the bloody badgers, I'd imagine. I'd recommend an immediate cull. Thank you.

Or something like that

Or is it too geeky to point out that both are being wiped out by the more agressive black squirrel?

That is good, I can see 3 people dressed in squirel costumes, like on trigger happy TV.

And Sooty, the more aggressive black squirel has got lots of potential

You're a very original thinker. I'm intrigued what the sound of squirrels snogging might be!

Sorry
wrong thread

Good idea. I love the characters. It is not clear whether it is pro or anti EDL.
The phrase "Coming over here taking all our nuts!" springs to mind.

I think squirrels would be very dainty little snoggers.No slurping or tongues for them.I thought it was clear about not being for the EDL(or the SDL) for that matter-I mean - a racist squirrel who's eaten up with sexual jealousy?

When I read it, I think the racism angle seemed more poignant than the insight into the sex lives of squirrels. It looks like the writer is trying to make a political point about immigration. I can't get that out of my head now, I am struggling to care about how squirrels snog. I did a Google search and all I could come up with was

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1317872/Im-just-nuts-Baby-squirrels-share-kiss-shelter-tree.html

but I imagine that if they did tongues they would bite them off. Perhaps a bit of Pepe Le Pew style romantic music and lots of kissing sounds.

It's just showing or trying to show how daft racism is. He's jealous of the foreign squirrel being more attractive than him.Apparently squirrels are very rapacious. Six of them will chase a female on heat up a tree desperate to pounce on her.To us they're happily playing and making the trees look even lovelier.

I think if you are going to follow the "I'm doing a parody of how racist people are stupid" you can't just stick with the obvious route!
(when I say obvious I just mean it didn't take us anywhere I couldn't predict or wasn't expecting) to me it was just, "the squirrels more attractive, my other half might fancy him, I don't like him, get rid of him!"
now the problem with taking us somewhere we don't expect is that it's very hard to think of an example, so I'll leave you to it! lol.
I don't mind the obvious jokes, but everyone is probably wondering why you didn't include an obvious joke they can think of, for example I'm wondering why "I'm not racists, some of my closest squirrels are grey" and "well you wouldn't want one marring your daughter would you, imagine having a ginger grandchild!" and I think that's the only problem, it's good and funny but it if it stays predictable everyone else will think they having something to add to make it better, move away from what we are expecting and give us a unique angle and it might feel more finished! (I hope that makes sense? lol)