The pornographer 6

THE PORNOGRAPHER STANDS BEHIND THE COUNTER OF HIS SHABBY AND SPARESELY STOCKED ADULT BOOK STORE. HE WEARS A CARDIGAN, A DICKIE BOW AND A FEZ.
MIKEY WALKS IN AND STARTS TAKING PICTURES WITH HIS IPHONE THAT HAS A RIDICULOUS WILL I AM CAMERA ATTACHMENT. HE IS QUITE CLEARLY A SHOREDITCH DICKHEAD

MIKEY
Wow a porn store how retrotastic is that?

MIKEY FLICKS THROUGH THE PLASTIC SLEEVED MAGAZINES WHILST FIDDLING WITH HIS RIDICULOUS 1930S STYLE MOUSTACHE

MIKEY
Cor this must be for all this old old skool stiffs who can't get with the net porn on the library computers. Stiffs with stiffs eh?

THE PORNOGRAPHER
We fulfill a need for our customers, all our customers.

AS THE PORNOGRAPHER SAYS THIS MIKEY FREEZES HE'S BEEN STROKING ONE MAGAZINE THROUGH IT'S PLASTIC COVER FOR SOMETIME. MIKEY TRYS TO STOP BUT HE CAN'T

MIKEY
Nah mate, I've got an ipad, an airbook and broadband. Dudester I've got more porn at my fingertips then this retro dumps ever seen....and I don't need porn I've got a girlfriend.

THE PORNOGRAPHER
Yes porn on a screen, images behind an unfeeling wall of glass. Not like a warm, organic peice of paper. Stained with age and the sweat of a previous owner. Open it.

MIKEY GOES TO OPEN THE PLASTIC ENVELOPE

THE PORNOGRAPHER
All purchases are final and none refundable.

MIKEY
How much?

MIKEY HOLDS OUT HIS GAUDY PURPLE CREDIT CARD

THE PORNOGRAPHER
We don't take it credit cards.

MIKEY
I haven't got any sponds on me.

THE PORNOGRAPHER
or cash, we do trade.

THE PORNOGRAPHER SNATCHES THE IPOD FROM MIKEY'S NOW LIMP HAND AND LIFTS ABOVE HIS HEAD, THE PORNOGRAPHER SQUEEZES THE IPHONE WHICH IS STRANGELY ORGANIC AND SOFT AND POURS A STREAM OF BLACK BLOOD INTO THE PORNOGRAPHERS GAPING MOUTH

MIKEY DROPS TO THE FLOOR CLUTHCING HIS CHEST

THE PORNOGRAPHER
Take it, it's yours!

MIKEY TEARS OPEN THE MAGAZINE IT'S A COPY OF READERS HAIRY WIVES.
MIKEY STAGGERS OUT OF THE SHOP ONTO HIS FIXY BIKE STILL RUBBING HIS FACE WITH THE MAGAZINE

AS HE RIDES OUT INTO THE ROAD UNABLE TO SEE HE IS HIT BY ONE OF THOSE RIDICULOUS NEW ROUTE MASTERS AND KILLED INSTANTLY

That is odd; well written odd though.

Yes it is odd I'm not sure what I'm trying to get at in this sporadic series
Some how fusing a low key hammer horror aesthetic, with a treatise against hypocrasy. In that we all have hogarthian base needs. When we judge others they rise up and destroy us.

I also think the pornographer maybe a cracked reflection of myself

I never get your sketches, but I read them all on here in the hope of one day I will know what you are on about, I often want to give a reply but never know what to say, I like you though if that helps.

Vivid and intriguing, a bit too fanciful for me on paper but then again if this was filmed or animated it would be a winner.

Oh I kinda thought it was quite straight forward, I wrote this with the krankees in mind

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ July 29 2013, 11:58 PM BST

All creative works are essentially self-portraits..

..but one must endeavour to persevere.

View original

Good words them, I see what you mean, did you make that up or is it a quote, I know this is a comedy forum but I am serious, I would like to know.

The first in the series may be more conventionally funny

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/17268/

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ July 30 2013, 12:08 AM BST

*u*k*ng hell.. a reply!

The first sentence I made up from my experience.. so not original.

The second is a straight 'lift' from Chief Dan George + scriptwriter.

View original

Thank you, they are good words, and I just Googled the Chief, still reading about him. Thanks

This is genius. The Pornographer drinking the iphone's blood as the Hoxton dude collapses is a great room-stopping-like-a-lift moment.

Can you post me the hairy wives mag?

Thanks although I thought killing off the twat was a little unimaginative

and yes it was not inspired by the shop on Euston road

It's a little too insane for me. However, I think there's definitely a strong sketch in there concerning the experience of old skool porn vs internet porn.