ARTY
Int. Evening . Late night arts review show . Not dissimilar to "Late Review" .
Kirsty Wark type presenter is there with three guest reviewers . Two male and one female .
Kirsty
And you Jeremy ? What did you think of the Mahler?
Jeremy
Well , you know me Kirsty and how passionate I am about Mahler?
Kirsty
Indeed.
Jeremy
This performance by the LSO was absolutely , indeed , unequivocally transcendent . Probably the most stimulating performance of the Mahler concerto I have ever had the pleasure to experience. Scintillitaing . Exhilirating and indeed aroused passions in one that one had thought moribund.
Kirsty
That good?
Jeremy
Yes , that good . I had a raging hard - on all the way through it . Rock hard , too ! A real boner!
Kirsty
Really?
Looks off camera .
Pause.
Looks into camera.
Praise indeed from Jeremy for the Mahler concert by the LSO.
Looks at her notes.
And now on to the Ibsen at the Old Vic . An all-nude Uncle Vanya , at that .
Susannah , what did you make of this daring and controversial piece ?
Susannah
Ho hum , really . Dull! Dull! Dull! It would have been so so so much better if I'd been in it.
Jeremy
I'm afraid I must take issue with that , Kirsty ! This was the most arousing and stimulating piece of theatre I have ever seen . The old fellow was like an iron bar all the way through it . At one point I was so stimulated by this marvellous piece of theatre I thought I was going to whitewash the seat in front of me !
Kirsty
Oh!
Highly recommended , then?
Jeremy
Miss it at your peril.
Kirsty
And now on to the new Channel 4 late night youth drama "Tits and Arse" .
Pause
Jeremy?
Jeremy
Pause
Couldn't raise a smile . Completely flaccid!
Fades
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