Not really sure what this is. Tell me what you think and what it is if you work it out.
INT. MIDDLE CLASS LIVING ROOM. NIGHT
THE SKETCH IS SET IN THE FICTICIOUS TOWN OF BUMBRIDGE WELLS. TREVOR AND DEIDRE ETIQUETTE ARE HAVING A COCKTAIL PARTY AT THERE HOUSE. THEY HAVE INVITED SEVERAL OF THEIR CLOSE FRIENDS. THERE IS A FONDUE SET ON THE TABLE.
Brian
…and she said ‘Well you not putting in there with out buying me a drink first’
EVERYBODY LAUGHS POLITELY.
Charlotte
You tell such a good story Brian. You’re so funny.
Brian
Did I ever tell you about the time I froze to death with an Inuit in Gloucestershire?
Deirdre (to everybody)
It’s so nice you could all come tonight. It’s lovely to spend time with your close friends don’t you think?
Colin
We wouldn’t have missed it for the world Deidre.
Marion
And such a lovely fondue too.
Deirdre
You’re all too kind. Anyway, there is a reason why I invited you all this evening? I have something I want to tell you all.
Trevor
You never mentioned anything to me darling?
Deirdre
I know my love. I wanted to wait and tell you when all our close friends were around us. Please don’t be offended. You know I love you very much.
Trevor
Now I’m getting worried. Have you bought something? How much did you spend?
EVERYBODY LAUGHS POLITELY.
Deirdre
No, it’s nothing like that darling. I have something I want to tell you all.
Last week Trevor, you remember that we received and invitation from the Prime Minister to attend an evening to celebrate the Women’s’ Society’s work restoring the High Street to the way it was in 1900?
Trevor
Yes, I remember. We were both very excited.
Brian
Well Deirdre was.
Trevor
Thank you Brian. Do go on my dear.
Deidre
Yes we were excited. You remember when we arrived at his house; the Prime Minister seemed to take a shine to our eighteen year old daughter.
Trevor
Well I did notice him glance over at her a couple of times yes.
Brian
She does have cracking tits.
Deirdre
Thank you Brian. Well what you don’t know is that the Prime Minister secretly invited her to come to his house by herself to spend an afternoon in his company.
We arrived at his house and rang on the bell. We were met by his personal assistant dressed only in a thong.
Brian
Could you see her tits?
Deirdre
Shut up Brian. She led us into a room that he no doubt reserves for such occasions. Upon the wall, there were pictures and photographs which I assume were what the Prime Minister considers “Erotic Art”. They depicted scenes of such depravity and bestial behaviour.
Trevor
Do you think you should be telling me this in front of our friends?
Deirdre (getting more dramatic)
They must know. They are my friends. The Prime Minister then proceeded to strip down to his vest and pants and showed our daughter these images of the most obscene acts. I begged him not to continue and that my daughter was far too young to be corrupted by a man old enough to be her father. He said nothing but just smiled at me and said “What about you?” He then called for one of his male cabinet ministers who entered the room completely naked. He then began to stroke him until he was in a state of full arousal. In his perverted way, he probably thought this would enflame our daughter’s passion. Instead, she began to cry and told the Prime Minister that she was frightened. At this point he became angry and told us that she had given a very different impression on the Women’s’ Society evening.
I apologised and said that he should take me in her place. Yes I offered myself to him to save our daughter. He accepted. I was subjected to such vile and perverted acts by him and his Ministers of both sexes. He even slung one round the back. I can not live with the thought of what he did to me any longer.
SHE WALKS TO THE FONDUE SET AND PICKS UP ONE OF THE FONDUE FORKS.
If I could cut off the offending part I would but…I am tainted with his bestial acts I have to end it all now. Goodbye my husband.
DEIDRE STABS HERSELF REPEATEDLY IN THE STOMACH WITH THE FONDUE FORK AND FALLS TO THE FLOOR DEAD. THERE IS SILENCE FOR A SECOND OR TWO.
Brian (waving a bottle of wine)
Well, anyone need a top up?
