This was inspired by accidentally turning on the audio description on the remote.So I thought what if...
PERVY BOY
Int. Evening . Living room .Martin who is blind is sitting at home in front of the television .
Announcer
And now it's time for the your regional news programme-Oop North .
Female Presenter
Eee bah goom.What a day t'ts been.I'm reet mithered I tell thee.
Martin reaches frantically for the remote control.
Martin
Oh quick! Quick!
Presses a button as he points the remote at the television.
On the screen the words come up momentarily .
" Audio Description For The Visually Impaired Pervert"
We hear the barely audible female voice under the audio description voice. Then camera is on Martin .We see his reactions but not what is on the screen.
A.D Voice
Woah! She is looking H.O.T with a capital H!
Martin
Oh ! What's she wearing? What's she wearing? Come on ! Come on!
A.D Voice
Starting from the feet up . She's got the shiny patent leather boots with the six inch stilletto heels .
Martin
Oh yes! Tell me more .
A.D Voice
Hang on I can't see it clearly yet . Oh , there's a hint of black fishnets.
Martin
Ooh yes! Oh , I wonder if it's stockings . Oh , I hope it is!
A.D Voice
Black pencil skirt...
Martin
Grrrr.....
A.D Voice
...white blouse with a few buttons undone and ...
Martin
...yes! Yes!
A.D Voice
...a pearl necklace.
Martin
A pearl necklace ! Nice!
A.D Voice
Oh there's a leg cross coming ...
Martin
Yes! Yes!
A.D Voice
...here she goes...
Martin
Puts hands together to pray
Come on God! Make it stockings! Please!
A.D Voice
....tights . Sorry guys !
Martin
Aaach!
A.D Voice
Wait a minute . She's leaning forward . Could be a bra flash.
Martin
Great! Come on! Come on!
A.D Voice
She's leaning forward . Further. Further.
Yes ! Yes! It's a bit of black bra! Agent Provocateur , I would say .
Martin
Agent Provocateur black bra . Oh! Oh! Oh!
Aargh!
Faints
We see the presenter on the screen for the first time . She is a conservatively dressed woman wearing a polo neck and a long skirt .Her make-up is subtle and restrained.
Female Presenter
...they kept coal in't bath.'Ave a reet grand evening .Here's Whippet Report.
Fades
