Was messing-about with a Pointless-based thing a few months back, then gave-up having originally planned to write a full-episode. May as well dump it on here, as I don't think I'll bother finishing it:
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POINTLESS OPENING CREDITS.
Alexander Armstrong: Hello, and welcome to Pointless! The only show that tests people on what others don't know. I'm Alexander Armstrong, and there's only one person left to introduce. He is to trivia, what a cast-iron alibi is to a rapist...
RICHARD OSMAN LOOKS-AROUND CONFUSED.
Alexander Armstrong: ...He is my Pointless friend, Richard!
AUDIENCE APPLAUD.
Richard Osman: (smiling broadly, to Audience) Hello! Hello! Thank you!
Alexander Armstrong: (to Richard) It should be a great game today.
Richard Osman: Yes, indeed. Two returning teams who seemed very strong last time around, and two new teams. As an extra challenge Alexander, one of today's contestants is a complete twat. Maybe you can use your powers of deduction to work out who that person is.
Alexander Armstrong: I get to be detective for the day?
Richard Osman: Indeed so, yes.
Alexander Armstrong: (pretending to smoke a pipe, smug) Elementary my dear Osman.
AUDIENCE ARE LAUGHING UNCONTROLABLY, AND ROLLING-AROUND ON THE FLOOR. ALEXANDER ARMSTRONG TURNS TOWARDS THE BOARD.
Alexander Armstrong: So our first category is...
BOARD DISPLAYS "THINGS".
Alexander Armstrong: ...'Things'. So with that in mind, please decide who will answer first and who will answer second.
CONTESTANTS SHUFFLE AROUND ON THEIR PODIUMS.
Alexander Armstrong: Let's play Pointless!
POINTLESS MUSICAL JINGLE.
Alexander Armstrong: OK, the first category is...
BOARD SAYS "DEAD PAEDOPHILES"
Alexander Armstrong: 'Dead paedophiles'.
CAMERA MOVES TO RICHARD OSMAN.
Richard Osman: Yes, we're looking for the names of any paedophile who is dead. Also, I am afraid we can't accept the answer, 'Nick Nairn', because he is neither dead, nor a paedophile.
ALEXANDER ARMSTRONG TURNS TO FIRST CONTESTANT.
Alexander Armstrong: So Steve, 'Dead Paedophiles'. Is that a good category for you?
STEVE DOESN'T ANSWER.
Alexander Armstrong: Excellent, so what do you do for work?
STEVE DOESN'T ANSWER.
Alexander Armstrong: Excellent. So what do you like to do in your spare-time?
Steve: I like f**kin'.
Alexander Armstrong: Excellent. So we're looking for dead paedophiles. Do you have an answer for us?
Steve: Nick Nairn.
CAMERA FADES OUT, AND FADES BACK IN AGAIN TO AUDIENCE APPLAUSE. THERE ARE ONLY TWO TEAMS LEFT FOR THE HEAD-TO-HEAD.
SCREEN SAYS 'COUNTRIES BORDERING CANADA'. ALEXANDER ARMSTRONG TURNS TO THE FEMALE PAIR OF CONTESTANTS.
Alexander Armstrong: OK, Mel and Meg, you were selected to answer first and said 'The United States'. Is that a correct answer, and how many did it score?
POINTLESS METER GOES DOWN TO "11".
Alexander Armstrong: Just 11. (to Richard) How about that?
Richard Osman: Yes, a surprisingly low score.
ALEXANDER ARMSTRONG TURNS TO THE MALE PAIR OF CONTESTANTS.
Alexander Armstrong: Ok Steve and Mike, your answer was 'F**k off. This show is complete f**king bullshit. Alexander you are a total smug c**t, and Richard you probably take it up the chutney'. Is that a correct answer, and how many did it score?