RICKY DUNBAR SUPERSTAR
Int. TV studio. There is a lively studio audience in front of a stage . There is a desk to the side of it where three male and one female music business people are seated . On the stage Ricky Dunbar who is tall, fair-haired and wearing a black suit and wraparound shades is being interviewed by Lauren Laverne type female presenter.
She looks into the camera .
Lauren
Welcome back to the final part of the ...grand final of the Tangerine Unsigned Act . You've already heard great indie pop from Edinburgh ...nutters , Fritz Lang's Haircut and world class ethno/folk/blues/jazz/death metal/punk from K-Rap and now the man himself ...the latest white boy soul singing sensation ...it's ...Ricky Dunbar .
Camera pans over the audience a lot of whom are holding placards saying
"We Love Ricky"
"Ricky is bigger than Jesus"
"Come on Ricky."
Most are cheering.
Alright , Ricky? How are you feeling?
Audience Member
We love you Ricky!
Ricky
Cheers. I love you too. Aye , I'm no bad , Lauren doll . Havnae had my Nat King Cole for a couple of days so I'm raring to go. Putting all my energy into this great gift of a voice the dear Lord has literally blessed me with .
Lauren looks into the camera as if saying "What a Guy."
Lauren
Talking about that great voice of yours , remind us of how this great rollercoaster journey you're on got started.
Ricky
Well, Lauren I've been singing since literally before I was born. My maw told me she could hear me singing when she was carrying me. She'd be at the ice cream van , or the chippy or even at the bookies and she'd suddenly hear a bit of George Clinton or James Brown or even the Average White Band coming from her stomach . Before she kicked the habit , that was , so ma da' says .Then when I lost my sight after a tragic childhood kebab throwing accident, my voice literally took on a new soulfulness . So my maw says , anyway . I think your average run of the mill singer doesnae have the depths of feeling that this literally gives you . The only way they can get close to that is say , there's a blackout and they cannae see or something and they're going - oh Christ ah cannae see and whit if the lights never come back on again and everybody else in the world is dead or turned into literally zombies and they're gonnae come and eat me- or they're that drunk they shite in the wardrobe and that makes them literally get a grip on things and that and... literally wake up and smell the cherries . Then , they might just literally get a tiny wee bit of the soul that I've got.
Lauren
Wow!
Audience cheer .
Words of wisdom from Ricky there. An old head on young shoulders .
What are you going to sing for us , young man?
Ricky
An old soul classic , Lauren doll. From my first album "The Blind Leading The Deaf" , that's being literally released on Monday , I think . I'm gonnae literally gie yeese the old Al Green number
" Baby Gonnae Gie's A Lumber ? ".
Audience cheer and Lauren turns to the camera.
Lauren
Here he is ...all the way from Glasgow ..it's ...Ricky Dunbar!
She leaves the stage.
Audience cheer as a slow soul groove starts .
Ricky improvises around the title words . He sounds like a strangled cat. He is awful .
Camera pans on the audience . Some are tearful . Others are putting lighters in the air. They are swaying in time with the groove .
Camera pans across the panel . Alex James from Blur type guy is tearful as he munches a piece of his own cheese. Other panel members are enthralled .
Eventually the track ends.
Lauren comes back on stage and gives Ricky a hug . He briefly fondles her arse .
The audience are cheering.
Lauren
Wow! Follow that anyone?
Alex ! What did you think ?
Alex
Choking on his words.
You... really... moved... me , ...man.
Lauren
Nigel from Deafarse Records ? Your opinion ?
Nigel
What can I say? The audience said it all for us. Literally earth shatteringly mind blowingly fantastic. He took us on a musical odyssey that literally took the entire audience to , not only countries they'd never been to but ...planets and even parallel universes that astronomers haven't even discovered yet with the biggest telescopes they've got ...or ones that have still to be invented...or found ..Quite literally.
The audience start chanting
Audience
Ricky! Ricky!
Fades
