DISABLED BAIRN OF THE YEAR - THE FINAL
A TV STUDIO STAGE ON WHICH A TOOTHY FEMALE PRESENTER IS FLASHING HER HOLLYWOOD PEARLY WHITES. TO ONE SIDE STANDS A 9-YEAR-OLD BLIND BOY. ON THE OTHER STANDS A 10-YEAR-OLD FEMALE THALIDOMIDE VICTIM WHO HAS NO ARMS. TWO LITTLE HANDS POKE OUT FROM HER CAPSLEEVE T-SHIRT.
AUDIENCE: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...
TOOTHY: (Turns to little boy) So, firstly, Jocky? Can ye tell us about yer journey?
JOCKY: Ah wunted tae dae it fair mah faither - he's bin goan these past ten year.
AUDIENCE: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...
TOOTHY: Whut? Ye min - he's in Heaven?
JOCKY: Nae - Barlinnie.
AUDIENCE: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...
JOCKY: An' if ah dinnae win tonight, ah'll stick the heed on ye!
THE LITTLE GIRL KICKS THE BLIND BOY FULL IN THE NUTS AND HE CRUMPLES IN A HEAP.
TOOTHY: We've goat a wunner!
THE PRESENTER GRABS THE LITTLE GIRL'S RIGHT HAND AND ATTEMPTS TO HOLD IT ALOFT IN TRIUMPH.
AUDIENCE: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...
FADE OOT
