A WOMAN in her sixties, with a loaf of bread tucked under one arm, is seated on a bench, next to a man concealed within a yellow DUCK SUIT. They are watching ducks swimming on a pond.
WOMAN
How do you feel, Flipper?
DUCK SUIT
I'm not sure.
WOMAN
Do you want to practise a few duck-type things?
DUCK SUIT
Like what?
WOMAN
Go over to the water's edge and I'll throw you some bread.
DUCK SUIT
What will that prove?
WOMAN
I don't know. But it's a start. Go on. Give it a try.
DUCK SUIT
OK
(He gets up and waddles awkwardly to the water's edge.)
WOMAN
Ready? Here we go.
(She tosses him a small piece of bread which lands wide and in the water.)
DUCK SUIT
Don't throw it over there. Throw it to me. And use a bigger bit.
WOMAN
How big?
DUCK SUIT
I don't know. As big as you can manage.
WOMAN
OK. Here it comes.
(She heaves the entire loaf directly at him. It hits him squarely in the beak and knocks him backwards, onto the ground.)
DUCK SUIT
(On his back with his webbed feet in the air)
Thank you very much.
(He rolls sideways onto his knees and pushes himself up. He slaps the duck suit wings against his duck-poop stained thighs in frustration.)
Oh, forget it. It's just bloody hopeless. How is any of this going to help me discover what it's like to be a duck?
WOMAN
You could try having a swim.
DUCK SUIT
In this? I'd drown.
WOMAN
Walk out there, then. It's not that deep. Have a chat with the ducks. Introduce yourself.
DUCK SUIT
What are you on about?
WOMAN
I don't know. I'm clutching at straws. You're the duck expert.
DUCK SUIT
I never said I'm a duck expert.
WOMAN
Yes you did. You said you're a duck trapped in a man's body.
DUCK SUIT
I said "might be a duck". I never said it was definite.
WOMAN
So are you a duck or aren't you?
DUCK SUIT
No. I don't think I am.
WOMAN
So you won't be changing your name to Donald.
DUCK SUIT
No.
WOMAN
But you're still potentially a dolphin called Flipper.
DUCK SUIT
No, not anymore. I think I might be a penguin.
WOMAN
OK. I'll get some mackerel for tea.
DUCK SUIT
Lovely. Call me Pingu.
WOMAN
Let's see how it goes.
