BOB IS BEING INTEVRIEWD BY SERGEANT PILCHARD IN A RECRUITING CENTER
SERGEANT
So Bob why do you want to become a Royal Marine Commando?
BOB
Well I love my country, I'm in the peak of physical condition and I've had a burning desire to avenge my self on all Asians. Ever since being refused service at the star of Karachi curry house.
SERGEANT
Why wouldn't they serve you?
BOB
They didn't have wheel chair access.
SERGEANT
Which brings us to the crux of our problem; you see neither the Royal Marines nor by extension the Afghanistan frontline is wheel chair accessible.
PULL BACK TO REVEAL BOB HAS NO LEGS AND IS IN A WHEEL CHAIR
BOB
So what?
SERGEANT
So what? So what? How are we going to fit you in an armoured car?
BOB
I don't. Just tie my wheel chair to the back bumper and as it gets dragged along I can provide covering fire. If the armoured car hits a landmine I can wheel forward; and offer survivors speedy advice on how the loss of their legs is no major handicap. Perhaps giving my personal example of having joined the Royal marines.
SERGEANT
You're not getting in the bloody marines.
BOB
In this metaphorical story I just have.
SERGEANT
Right, right suppose we have to drop you off on a mountain top by helicopter and you're surrounded by bloody thirsty fanatics eh eh?
BOB
I'll roll down hill at them, even the bravest soldier can flee in the face of death. But not me I roll to death or victory, unless I suppose I attached some bungee cord to the back of my chair.
SERGEANT
Look smart arse.
BOB
I haven't got an arse the surgeons removed it.
SERGEANT
Ok clever dick what bleeding use could I make of a legless soldier? What possible advantage could you offer this mans army?
BOB
Well if I got horribly injured I'm already maimed so I couldn't sue you if I got blown up.
SERGEANT
You're in. What size boots do you take?
