This was inspired by an audition I did for a Job Centre Plus ad.The tone was very heavy-handed inspirational or motivational bollocks hence this humble effort.Sub-text of the ad being - aren't the government and DWP doing a great job .And no,thanks for bringing it up though, you little comedy scamps,I didn't get the part.Some no-integrity, baldy,specky guy with a walking stick stole it from me.Bitter?Me?
JOBCENTRE PLUS
Ext. Morning . Guy in wheelchair is going down the street .
Voiceover
Are you disabled?
Guy nods head.
Are you unemployed ?
Glum face and nods head.
Have you heard of the Jobcentre Plus' new Get The Disabled Into Work Quick To Take Attention Away From The Terrible Mass Unemployment Just Round The Corner Scheme?
Guy shakes his head.
Then come with me .
Cuts to outside a Jobcentre.The doors swing open .
The guy goes in . Upbeat music plays .
Bespectacled man in a suit beams at him and gives him the high five . Two pretty young women take a side of the wheelchair each and place him in front of a desk where the beaming man is now seated . One puts cushions under him while the other hands him a cup of tea and an assortment of fancy cakes . Beaming man mouths "Tuck in!"
Cuts to him waffling about the various options while the two girls drape themselves around the client
Cuts to
Close up of a blind guy's face . He talks to the camera.
Blind Guy
I was unemployed and miserable , sitting at home wanking all day over her with the sexy posh voice in Cash In The Attic then I heard about Jobcentre Plus' new Get The Disabled Into Work Quick To Take Attention Away From The Terrible Mass Unemployment Just Round The Corner Scheme . Thanks to their help and advice there's no looking back for me now .
Camera slowly starts to go into a wide shot to show him dressed in ladies sexy lingerie while lap dancing to a bored looking businessman .
I'm now a self employed freelance lap dancer . The hours are long and hard but I've got my dignity and pride back . Thanks Jobcentre Plus.
Cuts to
Close up of a young woman' face.
Young Woman
I too was unemployed and miserable . Just sitting at home every day talking to my budgie . The Jobcentre Plus' fabulous
Get The Disabled Into Work Quick To Take Attention Away From The Terrible Mass Unemployment Just Round The Corner Scheme
got me this fantastic job in the catering industry. I've made loads of exciting new friends and even went to a pub with them the other week.
Camera goes to a wide shot to see her seated in her wheelchair at a conveyor belt packing frozen pizzas. Her workmates look like the cast from the Night Of The Living Dead.
Thanks Jobcentre Plus .
Cuts back to the Job Centre
Close up of the guy in the wheelchair.
Wheelchair Guy
If you , like we were, are also unemployed and miserable then why not contact your local Job Centre and ask the friendly staff about
Get The Disabled Into Work Quick To Take Attention Away From The Terrible Mass Unemployment Just Round The Corner Scheme . They really know how to boost your confidence and get you back to work.
Camera pulls back to a wide shot of the young guy with one of the pretty females kneeling in front of him with her rear to the camera . Her head is bobbing up and down.
Thanks Job Centre Plus.
Fades
