The Bravest Wee Disabled Person Of The Year Awards

This was used for a disabled comedy sketch show pilot that Julie Fernandez produced and performed in about a year or so back.Apologies for dredging up "my back catalogue".I know that's frowned upon by the faceless comedy Nazis ie. trolls, of this forum but,you know what,sod them.

THE BRAVEST WEE DISABLED PERSON OF THE YEAR AWARDS
 

 
 
Int. Evening . A stage at an awards ceremony . Carol Smillie type personality is presenting the show.
 
Carol
 
Good evening and a very warm welcome to the Fifth Annual Bravest Wee Disabled Person of the Year Awards .
I'm sure you're all going to be , not only moved  , as I  certainly was , but impressed by these stories of great courage and  overcoming the odds.
 
Audience applaud .
 
Without further ado let's introduce the first award winner in the category of Bravest Wee Blind Person (Male) Overcoming The Odds .
Despite losing his eyesight a year ago in a tragic lap dancing related accident , Martin Jones has managed to  get his life back together .
 
Turns to the video screen.
 
Let's hear his story .
 
Cuts to video of Martin in his kitchen. He is making a cup of tea .
 
Voiceover of him speaking
 
Martin
 
I never thought I'd be able to do something as complicated as making a cup of tea again but there you are . That's me doing it .
 
On screen  Martin holds up cup of tea and takes a sip. On screen Martin speaks .
 
Oh! Where's that toast ?
 
Toast pops out of the toaster and he butters it . Takes a bite.
 
Cuts to Carol. Applause from audience .
 
Carol
 
Who is now getting tearful.
 
Wow! What an amazing story. Let's meet that remarkable young man ...Martin Jones!
 
Martin walks on . Carol gives him big showbiz hug and kisses both cheeks . He hugs her a bit too much . She manages to extricate herself from his grip .
 
Now , Martin told me something earlier this evening that so moved and impressed me at his remarkable courage . Tell the audience your fantastic news  , young man .
 
Martin
 
Well Carol , this morning I learned how to tie my own shoelaces .
 
Audience applaud . Carol is now crying .
 
Carol
 
A remarkable achievement from an ...inspirational young man  .
 
Martin
 
Och , it wasn't that special really , Carol . It was either learn how to tie them or risk falling on my arse.
 
Audience applaud.
Carol gives Martin his award . Showbiz hugs and kisses .He grips her too keenly again . She breaks free . He pats her bum and leaves the stage .
Carol turns to the camera.
 
Carol
 
And now time for the second award of the evening . In the category of Bravest Wee Disabled Person In A Wheelchair (Female) Overcoming The Odds . The next award winner is a remarkable and inspirational young lady . Despite  tragically losing  the use of her legs in a freak budgie related incident three years ago , Suzie Esteban has managed to overcome the odds.
 
Turns to the video screen.
 
Let's hear  her story.
 
Cuts to Suzie at her bathroom sink washing her face . She has  soap suds on her face .
Voiceover of Suzie speaking .
 
Suzie
 
Just a few months ago I was unable to wash my face in the morning because of being in a wheelchair .
 
She tries to splash water on her face to rinse off the soap and misses . Tries again . Another couple of times .
 
But then because of being brave and inspirational , I finally managed to do it.
 
Video cuts to her successfully washing her face and smiling into the camera .
 
Cuts to Carol.
 
Carol
 
Wow! What an amazing story! Let's meet the young lady herself...Suzie Esteban!
 
Suzie comes on a wheelchair . Big showbiz hugs and cheek kissing .
 
Now Suzie was telling me something really remarkable earlier this evening  that moved me and I'm sure it'll move all of you too.
Tell us the exciting news , young lady.
 
Suzie
 
Well , Carol , this morning ...despite being in a wheelchair ...I spoke to a guy !
 
Carol
 
Remarkable !Ladies and gentlemen.Despite being in a wheelchair ,  this young lady actually spoke to a guy this morning . What a brave and inspirational young lady you are .
 
Suzie
 
Then I took him back to my place and we had fantastic sex . Every position there is and he was really well hu ...
 
Carol
 
Marvellous. Such bravery.Give this young lady a big round of applause.
 
Audience applaud . Carol is now crying her eyes out.
 
Fades
 
 
 
 
 
 

I know what you were going for and there was some promise to it with a few funny/ interesting bits, but ultimately (and this is just one guys opinion) it petered out from the middle and laboured toward the end without any real 'outstanding' gag.

Liked the idea though but maybe it could be shortened to condense the jokes which don't feel as fresh toward the end

having said all of that, it sounds as though you have had some success with this sketch so well done

I think that putting up youer back catalogues is fine, despite your evident paranoia about faceless Nazis or whatever it was. However, I'm not sure of the point of posting in Critique if you have already had success with the work - you sold it (or had it selected, at any rate) to a show, so well done. Not much we say is of any value after that.

But, seeing as you've posted...I found it long, lumbering and deeply unsubtle. The one you posted about the TV attacked the same issue, and seemed to be a much better starting point for a workable sketch.

Sorry old chap, too damn long and not enough funny. But, like Gappy said, you have had success with it so to hell with what we think.