Hi.
So I wrote a poem (maybe a rap? I don't know...) made of puns and it would be great to get some kind of feedback on it or at the very least- just some kind of idea if it's good.
Thanks a bunch.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbSpNsM3_b0
All the best
Arron
"Mirror inspector is something I could see myself doing" 
You're pretty good and you look good too (not totally in a gay way). You remind me of that guy who used to perform with a cane that had a camera in it, what was his name??
But yeah, if you get more "performancy" you have an act.
Hi Arron,
Lots of really nice puns/gags - not sure about the speed of delivery, I missed a few lines as I struggled to process the last one. Maybe pausing on a really good line a few times before setting off again might give the audience time to catch up and give the piece an overall ebb and flow pace.
Just my opinion.
Really well written gags though. If you delivered them like Steven Wright 'one liners' you would have a 20 min act!
playfull
You are very good and very clever.Live at the Electric standard or better.Are you related to John Hegley-a specky comedy poet from a few years back?
very clever and made me laugh - they just keep coming, and the delivery is excellent I think - its almost like 'if you didnt like this one, heres another' - this could work very well as a live act if you could write more of the same
Hey guys!
Thank you so much for the positives. But, HOW DARE YOU GIVE ME FEEDB- Only joking!!! Thanks for the ideas toward development, I've written them all down so I can start working on it asap.
Thank you so much! =D
On another note, I am afraid I am unfamiliar with both comedians mentioned. Sorry. One of the flaws of being so young.. I shall research them right now.
Once again, thank you for the tips, advice and ideas. Means alot =D
Arron Ferguson
It must be terrible being so young.How do you cope?Hegley's probably still going.Very funny poet and mandolin picker.
'Ello again!
I've done my research. Very funny man- very much my cup o'tea.
Thanks for the suggestion =)