Luis Suarez (Newsrevue reject)

GABBY LOGAN IS INTERVIEWING ALAN HANSEN.

GABBY:
Now, of course the big footy story of the week is Luis Suarez and his desire to leave Liverpool. What do you think has brought this about?

ALAN:
Three words; per-se-cution!

GABBY:
How do you mean?

ALAN:
Listen, how many other players have been banned for biting?

GABBY:
Err... well, none that I can think of.

ALAN:
Exactly!

GABBY:
But doesn't that merely reflect the fact that he's the ONLY biter?

ALAN:
No, no, no, no, no! Listen, ALL footballers take chunks out of each other.

GABBY:
ALL of them?

ALAN:
Listen, if you take biting out of the game, then all you're left with is a politically correct farce!

GABBY:
But of course, he has been embroiled in a few other scandals, notably involving racism and diving.

ALAN:
Listen, how can the boy be racist when he's visibly ethnic himself? And as for diving, well, look, if you take diving out of the game, then all you're left with...

GABBY:
Is a vertically-correct farce?

ALAN:
Exactly!

GABBY:
Okay, so in conclusion; it's per-se-cution that's made him want to leave?

ALAN:
Well that, and the lure of Champion's League football, of course.

END

It's a good subject but there aren't any real jokes here. Suarez is a colourful player and you could have made a lot more of his perceived misdemeanours.

Also the last line is only going to make sense to a football fan. As crazy as this sounds there are people who don't know where Liverpool finished in the table last season and have never heard of Champions League.

I don't think that's a problem: it's a topical show, so it's acceptable to make jokes about slightly specialist areas of knowledge.

I know nothing about football, and don't really know who Suarez is, but the sketch is easy to follow without that knowledge, and based on a nice simple premise. I just think you perhaps should have gone further, and developed the idea: "vertically-correct farce" is good, I'd liked to have seen more absurd exchanges like that.

I liked the "vertically-correct farce" line too, it was clever. I'm with Godot, though, on the lack of jokes.

Been doing bits and bobs for NR myself for about a year, and while there's nothing wrong with your sketch I believe they're not overkeen on the straight interview style. They seem to like what I recently learned were 'cross-over' sketches, i.e. putting real people into unreal / fantasy / TV show situations so maybe try that style to see if you have any luck.