SCENE1
A TV STUDIO AUDIENCE PACKED OUT WITH VARIOUS STARS OF TV AND SPORTS
(WE CAN'T SEE WHO'S ON THE STAGE)
WE FOCUS ON THE DAILY MAIL ARTS CRITIC, DAVE AND THE GUARDIAN ARTS CRITIC GLENDA
WE CAN'T SEE WHO'S ON THE STAGE
DAVE
It's great to see a performer of his calibre; none of that politically correct crap from those commies at the BBC.
GLENDA
Surely you mean a rebel, joining the new comedic voices of revoloution. A lone wit for hire....
DAVE
Shut it he's about to start.
OOV
A very, very loud raspberry which goes on for 5 minutes.
DAVE AND GLENDA SIT IN SILENCE WITH THE REST OF THE AUDIENCE BEING DPRAYED WITH GOB. THE RASPBERRY STOPS THEY WIPE OFF THE GOB GET UP AND LEAVE
SCENE2
A VERY FANCY THEATER ONCE MORE DAVE AND GLENDA SIT IN THE AUDIENCE.
GLENDA
So it's a shame that modern audiences with their 5 second attention spans, brought about by neo liberal media policies of selling TV franchises off to anyone. Meant that only an enlightened liberal could appreciate the irony of a raspberry.
DAVE
Quite, modern audiences with their nanny liberal state, sensibilities. Can't appreciate a good old fashioned raspberry.
GLENDA
Shh the queens actually getting on the stage for a personal performance.
OOV
A very long raspberry.
DAVE
Did he just gob on the queen?
OOV
A very long raspberry, which suddenly gets a bit wetter.
GLENDA
Did he just shit himself?
SCENE3
GLENDA AND DAVE ARE SITTING IN A BUNKER SURROUNDED BY GENERALS AND POLITICIANS IN WHAT WOULD APPEAR TO BE A NUCLEAR BUNKER.
GLENDA
He was amazing, wasted on that audience.
DAVE
And a personal performance for The Presidents of Iran and Russia is the only thing that will prevent atomic war.
OOV
A very long raspberry followed by a wet farty noise.
SCENE4
GLENDA AND DAVE ARE SITTING IN A RUBBLE FILLED BUNKER LOOKING DISHEVELLED
GLENDA
You know maybe he's not that funny.
OOV
A very long wet raspberry