Just going through some ancient skits wot I wrote. Most are a pile of shit but this one made me smile. What do you think, worth dusting off? I might post some more up for opinions. Looking to get a body of decent sketches together.
CIRCUS REDUNDANCIES
INT. TYPICAL OFFICE. DAY.
A MANAGER IN A TYPICAL OFFICE SETTING SITS AT HIS DESK, TALKING TO A JOB CANDIDATE.
MANAGER:
Right well, thanks for coming, we'll let you know if you've been successful in the next day or two. Could you send the next person through please?
CANDIDATE:
Yeah, sure.
HE EXITS, LEAVING THE MANAGER TAPPING AWAY AT HIS COMPUTER FOR A FEW SECONDS. SUDDENLY THERE'S A HEAVY KNOCKING ON HIS DOOR, CAUSING HIM TO JUMP OUT OF HIS SKIN.
MANAGER:
Jesus! Yes, come in.
THE DOOR IS OPENED FORCEFULLY AND A MAN DRESSED IN A STRIPEY LEOTARD STRIDES IN. HE HAS AN ENORMOUS WAXED MOUSTACHE THAT CURLS UP AT THE EDGES. HE STANDS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM, HANDS ON HIPS, AND FIXES THE MANAGER WITH AN ICY STARE.
MANAGER:
Can I help?
STRONGMAN:
(RUSSIAN ACCENT) Da. I come for job.
MANAGER:
(FLUSTERED) Oh, right erm...please, take a seat.
THE STRONGMAN LIFTS THE SEAT HIGH INTO THE AIR.
MANAGER:
No...I meant...
sTRONGMAN:
Oh, sorry. Force of habit.
HE PUTS THE CHAIR DOWN AND SITS.
MANAGER:
Right so, Mr...(CHECKS COMPUTER)...Borovski...
STRONGMAN:
The Great Borovski.
MANAGER:
Ummm...yep. So...you're applying for the position of (CHECKS PC) Telephone Sales Operative.
STRONGMAN:
Da. Telephone.
HE PICKS UP A TELEPHONE DIRECTORY FROM THE DESK AND RIPS IT IN HALF.
STRONGMAN:
Is good, no?
MANAGER:
Very erm...impressive...look, Mr Borovski...
STRONGMAN:
The Great Borovski.
MANAGER:
I'm sorry, The Great Borovski...I'm afraid I don't really think this position is suited to a man of your talents...
sTRONGMAN:
Please. Give me job. I have nowhere to go. The circus, my home...she is finished. Many redundancy.
THERE'S AN ANIMAL ROAR FROM OUTSIDE THE DOOR.
MANAGER:
What was that?
sTRONGMAN:
Is Petra, my bear. She very hungry.
MANAGER:
You left a bear in reception?!
STRONGMAN:
No worry. She chained to water cooler. Please, give me job. I good, strong worker. Look!
HE STANDS AND LIFTS THE MANAGER'S DESK OFF THE FLOOR.
sTRONGMAN:
Is good, no?
HE PUTS THE DESK BACK DOWN.
MANAGER:
I'm really sorry...
STRONGMAN:
Please. I beg you. Do not turn me away like circus.(FIGHTING BACK TEARS) Restore my dignity.
THE MANAGER LOOKS SYMPATHETIC.
MANAGER:
Look...maybe we can find something in the warehouse for you to do. It'd only be part-time, but...
THE STRONGMAN LEAPS TO HIS FEET.
STRONGMAN:
Oh thank you! Thank you, thank you!
HE GRABS THE MANAGER IN A BEAR HUG AND LIFTS HIM OFF HIS FEET, PEPPERING HIS CHEEKS WITH KISSES.
STRONGMAN:
You good man! The Great Borovski will not let you down!
HE DROPS THE MANAGER ON THE FLOOR IN A CRUMPLED HEAP AND GOES TO LEAVE.
MANAGER:
(GASPING) Could you send the next person through please?
DISHEVELLED AND GASPING FOR AIR, THE MANAGER DRAGS HIMSELF OFF THE FLOOR BY THE TABLE. AS HE PEEPS OVER THE EDGE OF THE DESK, HIS FACE FALLS.
CUT TO REVEAL A SAD CIRCUS CLOWN STANDING THERE. HE HONKS HIS HORN MISERABLY.
END