Cuts to the Future
SPIN DOCTOR
I warned you about this as far back as 2014!
PM
I had to get a deal in place and that was the only palatable one.
SPIN DOCTOR
That's not how you deal with single issue independents, you promise to build a few ring roads or leisure centres, reopen the odd library, but making bloody Devon & Cornwall independent!
PM
That got me nine votes! Besides I had to deal! We were way past the usual giving away trinkets to a few odd bods to swing a vote. It was chaos in the house you saw it with your own eyes! We only had twelve seats ourselves and we were the largest single party!
SPIN DOCTOR
You should have gone with the fourteen block votes from the North East
PM
What? Newcastle, Sunderland & Middlesbrough all becoming tax free domiciliary zones and the re-instalment of benefits as far as Durham?
SPIN DOCTOR
It was the better option!, So some of the poor eat well and a few millionaires have to tough out the winter up there to save 79% of their wealth. That could have been made media palatable, but giving two counties away to a Wizard.
PM
How many times .. He wasn't a wizard he was a White Witch! They're the good ones, plus he was also a qualified Vet and a former JP!
SPIN DOCTOR
He was dressed in a pointy hat, he had a wand and he was with four Druids!
PM
Ok ok we've been over that a million times, let's just stick to the right now, what's our next move?
SPIN DOCTOR
Ok, so we know that inside the M25 is now in UN hands as is Birmingham and Leeds so we have to avoid those areas because everyone in the regime is now subject to arrest!
PM
How many times, we're not a regime, we're elected officials!
SPIN DOCTOR
Legitimacy wise we had 13% of the vote when we formed the Common Sense Alliance. But it went down to 7% once Wales and Scotland severed their diplomatic ties with us after you gave the Wizard the two counties without consulting them.
So once you demanded that we spend 79% of the budget on internal and external security services we were then classed as a regime, by definition of the UN Charter.
PM
F**king UN busy bodies!
SPIN DOCTOR
Once the German delegation at the UN walked over and put our chair on the desk, upside down and said it won't go back until Britain has a legitimate regime the dye was cast.
PM
The Germans! The bloody nerve, who are they kidding ? It wasn't that long ago..
SPIN DOCTOR
Sir! You said stick to the here and now so let's do it. We can't fly out because the French have begun to enforce a No Fly Zone on behalf of the UN.
PM
The cheeky f**king garlic riddle bastards who the f**k do they think they are? We do No Fly Zones us! It's our thing! We started it and it's ours we've been doing for years! I've a good mind to get the RAF up and show French bastards that we're no regime, we can't be we're British!
SPIN DOCTOR
Sir we haven't had sole control of the RAF for a year, we closed the last UK base last Christmas Eve, don't you remember your speech 'Umbrella Europa'? The only fighters we can lay our hands on are in Turkey and they have Italian NATO pilots and EEC ground crews, so we can hardly tell them to attack the French can we.
PM
We'll get them back you mark my words, you watch I'll roll right over the lot of them, I'll leave Paris in a f**king skip I'll tear the Eiffel....
SPIN DOCTOR
Sir we've been over that, that's regime talk
PM
You're right we're not a regime, we're the government, the British government!
SPIN DOCTOR
Exactly sir
PM
Ok so what do we do?
SPIN DOCTOR
We have to get to the Isle of Man.
PM
Isle of Man?
SPIN DOCTOR
Yes we've been doing a bit of networking with a few generals and everyone is under instruction to dress mufti and make their way to the Isle of Man without arousing suspicion, we anticipate having over ten thousand trained personnel in total sir.
PM
Will they be armed?
SPIN DOCTOR
Not sure ? A lot of the troops were disarmed under the UN deal once the House was dissolved; all the artillery and major weapons were handed over as well. We can't ask the Americans for arms because they have taken over their own bases completely and won't even talk to us.
PM
Don't worry about that I'm sure our lads will have hung on to some weapons. Besides the Island's bound to have an armoury. It's got everything we need there's hospitals, trams, deep water port and an airport, yes it will be a fantastic base, well chosen!
SPIN DOCTOR
We've yet to iron a finite deal with the Manx government as yet sir. At the moment they're arguing among themselves over whether you should be treated as 'Government in Exile' or a tourist?
PM
Once my men are ashore I'll show them who's a tourist and I don't mean by buying f**king rock either! I'll be taking over the Island and putting it under Marshall Law while I'm run my campaign from there!
PM
Campaign sir?
PM
The British Democracy Movement!
SPIN DOCTOR
And very grand it sounds too sir if I may say so sir Now the only fly in the ointment is that it means we would have to get the ferry from Liverpool.
PM
Is it even running?
SPIN DOCTOR
Oh yes sir, six times a day like clockwork, apparently it's now a duty free route.
PM
Ok let's just go that way
SPIN DOCTOR
Sir with respect Liverpool was always a difficult place to go through for you at the best of times but since you had it walled up last year I doubt they would welcome you with open arms!
PM
Shit I forgot about that!
