I dare you

We see a man wearing an all in one purple lycra bodysuit he has a Ninja Turtles rucksack on his back and is wearing a WWII German helmet with a shock of red hair sprouting out either side.

He is standing at the base of Nelsons column in Trafalgar Square looking up.

A sharp eyed police officer walks over to the man and strikes up a conversation

PC PLOD
"Hello sir, you interested in Lord Nelson then?"

MAN
Yeah I think he's brilliant and I like Hornblower as well!"

PC PLOD
"I have to be honest sir I find your dress code is a bit out of the ordinary even for London!"

MAN
"I'm a Dare Devil!"

PC PLOD
"Were you planning on doing anything daring today sir?"

MAN
"I certainly am I'm going up this thing in a minute like a rat up a drain pipe, then I'm going to leap off it and float across to Admiralty Arch"

PC PLOD
"And how do you intend to 'float' then sir?"

MAN
"I've got a homemade balloon in my back pack haven't I!"

PC PLOD
"You reckon that will work do you?"

MAN
"No problem, I've put nearly half a can of WD40 on the bike pump so it only takes me three minutes to get it up"

PC PLOD
"This balloon, big is it!"

MAN
"It's f**king massive I made it out of three thousand Asda carrier bags, I sealed them all together with a hot knife!"

PC PLOD
"You don't by any chance still have this knife with you do you sir"

MAN
"No it broke while I was welding my back up chute, I had to finish that off with a travel iron"

PC PLOD
"Well I'm sorry to have to tell you sir, but you've had a wasted journey. You see it's illegal to climb the monument sir and it's also illegal to jump off it"

MAN
"I don't care about illegal I'm a Daredevil!"

PC PLOD
"I'm sure you are sir, but as you can see I'm a policeman and my jobs to stop people doing things that are illegal. So that being the case why don't you call it a day and head off home eh?"

MAN
"How long are you on duty for?"

PC PLOD
"Never you mind, besides when I go off another officer comes on so you'd best be off now sir"

MAN
"I'm erm waiting for someone!"

PC PLOD
"Let's cut to the chase shall we sir, either you clear off now or I'll run you in!"

MAN
"You're wasting your time you can't scare a Daredevil!"

PC PLOD
"No, but I can arrest you and throw you in the same cell as the three giant Yardies we're currently quizzing about a string of brutal murders!"

MAN
"Great let's do that then"

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ June 9 2013, 6:06 PM BST

PC PLOD
"This balloon, big is it!"

MAN
"It's f**king massive I made it out of three thousand Asda carrier bags, I sealed them all together with a hot knife!"

View original

Very funny exchange.
You consistently display a sure-footedness when it comes to the rhythm and flow of dialogue.
You also consistently overwrite and fall down on the punch-line!
I don't get the end at all - what am I missing?

He's a two bob dare devil so the idea of being placed in a cell with three black gangsters appeals to him.
The fascist T Shirt he makes only adds to the perceived thrill of impending danger for him.

Agree with Lazzard, lovely dialogue, sprightly and well paced. I didn't get the ending either though.

Thanks folks, I do that sometimes I see the funny but fail to display it to others. The punch wasn't great anyway but its nice to hear that the dialogue was ok .
I'm only doing a bit to psych myself up for a sketch I need to do ASAP.
Then I'm going to do the first two chapters of a book and see if that bombs or floats.

I got the ending, but having him rummaging around and drawing on a T shirt slows it down too much. How about if he just says; "Great idea, let's do that instead!"

Works for me Beaky old boy!

very funny, compelling dialogue - easy to visualise as well