So I have literally just written this based on a discussion on a previous post earlier, I am fairly happy with it so far and still in its infancy, but it's just a first draft so any critique is welcomed.
Jenny Coil
Jenny is an unemployed (until recently) single mother from a working class background, she is 17, has 3 kids and lives in a council house.
she has now been given her own TV show to help resolve the difference of middle class couples and families.
Jenny "Heya and welcome to Jenny Coil show, today I have got bare guests for
you, I don't mean bare like I was when I concieved Ronald, aww we called him
that because he was concieved in Mcdonalds toilets, (audience "ahhh") no I mean bare like lots of guests"
Jenny "so first up we have Sue and Geoff, Geoff thinks his wife, Sue has been a skank and got down and dirty with their neighbour Brian, all because Geoff filed his tax reports late, let's get Geoff out here and see wogwan, welcome him to the stage Geoff"
applause
Jenny "first off welcome to the Jenny Coil show"
Geoff "Thanks"
Jenny "say my name"
Geoff "what"
Jenny "say my name"
Geoff "er thanks Jenny"
Jenny "better, now tell me Geoff, what's happening?"
Geoff "well a couple of weeks ago I noticed Sue acting differently, we had a blazing row after I filed my tax returns late, since then she has been going out a lot, sometimes she comes home smelling of aftershave and now our neighbour Brian, is always at the house, she says
she's using him to do odd jobs, but the other night I came home and his shoes were off, what sort of handyman takes his shoes off?"
Jenny "that doesn't mean he was being handy with your wife tho, init, maybe his feet were tired, when I was pregnant with Harvey or Harvester to give him his full name my feet were killing me all day, I had to get my shoes off everywhere I could"
Geoff "well he's not pregnant"
Jenny "but is he fat?"
Geoff (confused) "not really"
Jenny "well you know what I mean, anyway lets get the slapper out here, Ladies and Gentlemen..Sue"
audience boos
Jenny "give her a chance peeps, you haven't heard her side yet, maybe Geoff here isn't satisfying her, so Sue take a seat, tell me have you been giving it out all over town like your husband thinks?"
Sue "No of course not, Brian and I are just good friends sometimes he gets tired after doing the handywork so I let him have a lie down in the living room"
Jenny "with his shoes off? maybe his t shirt and trousers too, he has a nice lie down and you have a good long stare...or maybe more!"
Sue "No of course not"
Jenny "I've had enough of your lip, lets get the lie detector results out, Brian we asked Sue if since you failed to do the tax return in time has she passionately snogged another geezer....she said no, the test said......no she had not kissed another man"
Jenny "well Brian bet you feel a bit of an idiot"
Brian "I'm sorry love"
Jenny "don't get carried away there mate, we haven't had the other answers yet, we asked Sue if she had had sexual contact with another man...she said no, the test said she had had sexual contact with another man"
audience gasps
Jenny "well, well, well, what have you got to say for yourself?"
Sue "Geoff it's not true"
Jenny "let's not forget the first test you passed, you were happy with that one, we asked Sue if in the time since YOU failed to to do the tax return if hse had had intercourse with another men she answered no, well, well well, we have a saying on this show, but its nice for once its not directed at me (laughs) that's what we call a slut"
(audience joins in on word slut)
Sue "I'm sorry Geoff, it's just that Brian's self employed and he always does his tax return on time"
Geoff "how...how could you do this, I always beat Brian at golf, you said I was the better golfer, now I know why you were looking at him like that at the town council meeting"
Jenny "well that about wraps it up, Sue you will go in to aftercare with
Jordan, where he'll take you to the G.U.M and a KFC after, Brian you will go with our team to the dubstep night in Croydon where you can get properly caned and forget about your cheating wife"
audience applause
"I've been Jenny Coil, join me tomorrow when I am joined by Charles and Pearl, Pearl wants to send the kids to private school, Charles thinks the money would be better spent producing and selling their homemade homous to friends, should be great, safe"
