Denzel A WELL DRESSED BLACK MAN IS TALKING TO SGT Ivor Truncheon ON A QUIET SUBURBAN ROAD Arthur Pilchard APPROACHES THEM HALF DRAGGING A RATHER OVER WEIGHT ROTWEILER
IVOR
So you turn left at the Shell Garage walk about 50 meters and that's the town hall.
ARTHUR
Excuse me.
IVOR
Just a minute sir I'm just helping this gentleman I'll be with you in a minute.
DENZEL
Who'd have thought I'd lose GPS.
ARTHUR
Excuse me!
IVOR
Fine what is it?
ARTHUR
Do you want me to set the dog on him?
IVOR
I beg your pardon?
ARTHUR
Do you want me to set the dog on him? I know you can't anymore. Not like the glory days of Aparhteid.
DENZEL IS PETTING AND TICKLING THE ROTTWEILLER
DENZEL
Oh she's lovely what's her name?
ARTHUR
Pinky Pie, kill him Pinky Pie kill savage.
IVOR BURSTS OUT LAUGHING.
IVOR
I'm sorry sir but what a gay name for a Rottweiller.
ARTHUR
He was meant to be a pony. But couldn't afford one, so the wife said why not get Pinky Pie instead he's the size of a pony.
DENZEL
Oh you're much nicer than any pony aren't you?
IVOR
Eats more than a pony. Two jumbos tins of chappy a day; I don't take a plastic bag when I take him for a walk. It's a shovel and a bin bag, I've been arrested on suspicion of serial murder twice.
DENZEL
Nice dog gotta go.
DENZEL WALKS UP THE STREET.
IVOR
Seeing as you've got the dog, seems a waste not to use it.
ARTHUR
Ah I see what you mean.
IVOR AND ARTHUR
Lets go dogging!
ARTHUR AND IVOR LEAP UP AND PUMP KNUCKLES MID AIR
IVOR WAVES DOWN A CAR, THE DRIVER OPENS HIS DOOR
DRIVER
How can I help you officer?
IVOR PULLS DOWN HIS TROUSERS AND LEAPS IN
THERE IS A SOUND OF STRUGGLE FROM WITH IN THE CAR
ARTHUR PEERS IN THROUGH THE WINDOW FURIOUSLY PLAYING POCKET BILLIARDS WHILST HIS FAITHFUL DOG SLEEPS