British Comedy Guide

The Cruel Sea

Hundreds of rescue people and vehicles are on a quayside.

A high ranking naval officer is watching a submarine approach through binoculars.

The sub floats in with its hatches closed and no crew visible.

The man with the binoculars shakes his head forlornly as the sub hits the dock and stops dead.

The rescue people attempt to rush toward the subs hatches, but the high ranking naval chap orders everyone back.

In his hand he has the subs last radio message.

Lost engine power after colliding with cargo ship......

Holed in the pantry area, all food lost.................

Salvaged fifty crates of sprouts from cargo ship..................

Will have to stay submerged for the twenty day trip back............

Lol Teddy.I like your sketches so much.That one was one of the best!

Thank you David

The idea is good I just wonder how you'd translate it to screen or radio. The final reveal is troublesome from a production standpoint.

I whole heartily agree Gav it could never be done and its not exactly a side splitter either. It was a Bank Holiday muse and as with all my gear it will never see the light of day again so its practicality wasn't really an issue from the get go.

Ah ok mate :)

Production wise it would be quite expensive for a TV sketch and as Gavin points out, troublesome for radio. Might work as some type of comic strip, but the sprout/fart gag does feel a little old.

Ben I'm gutted I was thinking of shooting it in the Bahamas in 3D with Brad Pitt playing the naval guy.

Apart from posting it on here I had also sent it to Ridley Scott in the hope he would shoot it.

Plus I had emailed the American Embassy to get the contact details of the relevant person in the Defence Department (Naval Section) to organise renting a Class A nuclear submarine.

So now that's in tatters and I will have to go back to how I originally described it as a 'Monday Muse'

I was also devastated to discover that the Sprout/ Fart gag was an old one, funny that as I never mentioned anything about farting so I must presume you managed to make the leap, well done you.

There's no need for sarcasm, Terry.

I wasn't being sarcastic Benny

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