THE FOX
I know! The security in here doesn’t even wear uniforms!
GOLIATH
(To punters walking in)
Right lads put your bets on and no hanging about. And you aul hand.
POINTING TO SOME OLD MAN
I’m watching you son. There’s no age limit with me kid!
THE FOX
Goliath come here.
GOLIATH WALKS OVER WITH A SWAGGER
GOLIATH
What’s up chief?
THE FOX
See your man over there, he’s barred. Time to sort the men out from the boys Goliath.
GOLIATH
Watch and learn.
HE WALKS OVER TO A MAN IN HIS 40’S AND WELL DRESSED. HE JUMPS UP BEHIND HIM TO TAP HIS SHOLDER. THE GUY LOOKS ROUND BUT DOSENT SEE HIM.
GOLIATH
Excuse me sir. One has reason to believe that you are prohibited from used this establishment.
MAN
Who said this?
HE POINTS OVER TO THE FOX
GOLIATH
He did.
MAN
Who’s his boss?
GOLIATH
Who’s your boss fox?
THE FOX
Him!
HE LOOKS AT THE FOX ANGERED AND LOOKS AT THE MAN, HIS BOSS AND SMILES.
GOLIATH
Alright boss?
GOLIATH LOOKS BACK AT THE FOX AND JONTY WHO ARE LAUGHING.
GOLIATH
That’s going in the book fox.
THE FOX
Is that a yellow card Goliath?
INT. BAR – DAY
THE LADS ARE IN THE BAR MEETING THEIR MATE ROGER.
JONTY
So if you’re looking any winners tomorrow give us a shout big lad. Anyway what have you been at today?
ROGER
Emm had to do a message!
FLASHBACK
ROGER IS SITTING IN A WAITING ROOM. HE AND EVERY OTHER PERSON ARE HOLDING A LARGE BROADSHEET PAPER UPTO THEIR HEADS, SOME EVEN HAVE HOLES WERE THE EYES SHOULD BE.
INTERCOM
Could roger Scott please come to room 13 please.
HE GETS UP AND WALKS STILL WITH THE PAER TO HIS HEAD. WE SEE ON THE WALL THAT IT SAYS G.U.M CLINIC.
CUT TO
ROGER
In a good mood again Goliath?
JONTY
Leave him, that eejit the fox give him a hard time today.
ROGER
Sure Goliath loves getting a HARD time! You better watch yourself. Any fanny in there?
JONTY
Aye there are a couple of lookers that come in.
ROGER
Any under 40?
JONTY
No. Goliath, the fox isn’t that bad, although he nearly stole my ring shaking his hand!
HE LOOKS AT HIS FINGER TO SEE THE RING BUT IT’S GONE.
JONTY
Bastard. Anyway lads, we still up for the Greyhound’s tomorrow night?
ROGER
Aye. Empty head’s going.
GOLIATH
Who screech? Hope they don’t sell cider there.
ROGER
I know. Is Sally going with you Goliath?
GOLIATH
I don’t want her to, but would you fancy telling her she can’t go?
JONTY
It’s alright for you two at least you have someone. I’ll be standing like a spare one tomorrow. Couldn’t even get a fish slapper in a chippy!
ROGER
Sure you stand with a spare one everyday anyway.
POINTING TO GOLIATH
JONTY
I know.
GOLIATH
Even the sex is scary, those long limbs, I mean her wee toe is about the size of my fist!
ROGER
That’s put a nice thought in my head, cheers Goliath.
INT. GOLIATHS BEDROOM - NIGHT –FLASHBACK
WE SEE THIS TALL WOMAN BUT NOT HER FACE. AND GOLIATH HAS A PAIR OF SPEEDO’S ON AND THE 8-BALL IN HIS MOUTH-HE’S GETTING THROWN ABOUT THE ROOM LIKE A RAG DOLL. HE GETS THROWN NEAR THE DOOR AND TRIES TO ESCAPE.
SALLY
(Husky voice)
You aint going nowhere, baby.
GOLIATH
Help.
INT. BOOKIES – DAY
GOLIATH IS STANDING AT THE DOOR OF THE BOOKIES. HE IS HOLDING IT OPEN FOR A PUNTER.
GOLIATH
You coming in or what kid?
GUY
Hold your horse’s big man, just finishing off a feg alrite.
GOLIATH THEN SLAMS THE DOOR CLOSED AND THE GUYS FEG FALLS OUT OF HIS MOUTH. HE THEN WALKS IN.
GUY
Your cards marked sunshine.
GOLIATH
Put your bet on son and walk.
HE LOOKS UP TO JONTY AT THE COUNTER AND WINKS. HE GIVES HIM THE THUMBS UP. ANOTHER PUNTER WALKS UP TO THE COUNTER AND GIVES JONTY A DOCKET.
JONTY
(Shouting)
We got a winner people, we got a winner! Well done big lad, couldn’t lend us a score?
THE WHOLE SHOP LOOKS ROUND AT JONTY SHOUTING.
GUY 2
Couldn’t shout that louder mate? I don’t think my granny heard you, and she’s dead.
JONTY
Chill big man, you’re a winner. I was serious about the score, any chance?
THE GUY WALKS OUT TOWARDS GOLIATH WHO IS HOLDING THE DOOR OPEN.
GOLIATH
Would one need any assistance to your vehicle sir?
GUY 2
Stand up when you’re talking to me kid!
AT THAT MOMENT HE SLAMS THE DOOR CLOSED BUT ITS TOO LATE AND THE GUY WALKS INTO THE DOOR AND FALLS TO THE GROUND.
GOLIATH
Stand up when you’re talking to me kid.
BACK AT THE COUNTER JONTY IS WATCHING THE FOX COUNTING MONEY. HE IS SLIDING SOME NOTES INTO HIS POCKET.
THE FOX
One, two, three, one for me, one, two, three, one for me…..
HE LOOKS OVER AT JONTY AND WINKS
THE FOX
Just getting rid of the dud’s.
ANOTHER GUY COMES UP AND HANDS OVER A DOCKET AND CASH TO JONTY AND WALKS AWAY BUT THE FOX SNATCHES IT OFF HIM THROWS IT ON THE GROUND AND PUTS THE £20 IN HIS POCKET.
JONTY
What’s happening?
THE FOX
I’m throwing it away. Your man’s and oil tanker, accused me of stealing one day. Anyway it’s all greyhounds at Ballyskegh, no chance of getting four up, forget about it. I’m off on my brake here, you’re in charge.
HE WALKS PAST GOLIATH AND SLAPS HIS ARSE.
THE FOX
You working out mate? You could crack a walnut between those cheeks.
NO SOONER THAN HE WALKED OUT IN WALKS A GUY WITH A PAIR OF TIGHTS ON HIS HEAD.
ROBBER
Nobody try anything smart, this is a hold up. You
POINTING TO GOLIATH
ROBBER
Smile.
GOLIATH SMIRKS A LITTLE.
ROBBER
Not like that. Give me a smile like 2nd choice ballerina who only got called up cos the 1st choice couldn’t make it, cos someone cut the brakes of her car. That sort of smile.
GOLIATH GIVES A BIG MOON SMILE. THE ROBBER THEN WALKS UP TO THE COUNTER TO
JONTY.
ROBBER
Right, go to the office and pick up a sports bag jonty.
JONTY
How will I know what bag it is? Here how do you know my name?
ROBBER
Cos i’m your birth mother, just get the bag. There is a large sign next to it.
JONTY WALKS INTO THE ROOM AND IN FACT THERE IS A MASSIVE SIGN ON THE WALL WITH AN ARROW POINTING TO THE BAG.
JONTY
10/10 for preparation fox. You bastard!
HE WALKS OUT AND HANDS THE BAG OVER TO THE ROBBER. HE TAKES THE BAG AND WALKS TOWARDS THE DOOR WHERE GOLIATH IS LYING.
ROBBER
Willow get up.
JONTY
(Shouting)
Don’t try and be a hero Goliath!
GOLIATH
Aint going to be no hero’s today Jonty! You got what you wanted son, just go. I’ve got a big scary girlfriend and a beautiful mother who love me.
ROBBER
Whenever you’re finished. Right stand on one leg.
GOLIATH
What?
ROBBER
Stand on one leg and hop. Do it. Now clap your hands.
GOLIATH BEGINS TO HOP AND CLAP HIS HANDS.
GOLIATH
You’ve got the money mate, why you putting me through this?
ROBBER
One last thing and then you can go.
GOLIATH
What is it?
PUNTER
Do what he bloody says there is a race starting in two minutes, I got a tip!
GOLIATH
Ok whatever!
ROBBER
Sing Mr Loverman by Shabba Ranks in a Dutch accent! While hopping and dancing on the spot
GOLIATH
Why you doing this to me?
ROBBER
Cos I can
GOLIATH
I won’t do it.
THE ROBBER WALKS OVER TO GOLIATH AND PUTS THE GUN TO HIS HEAD
ROBBER
Listen, I hate you little people, I hate little grains of sand, I hate the little house on the prairie and I even hate the small intestine.
GOLIATH
Mr Loverman shabba, shabba
THE ROBBER THEN RUNS OUT THE DOOR LAUGHING
ROBBER
Shabba shabba
INT. BAR – DAY
THEY ARE STANDING AT THE BAR NEXT TO ROGER.
ROGER
Robbed?
JONTY
Yes robbed.
ROGER
Sure Goliath was there. You’re useless Goliath. I thought you were trained in all this?
JONTY
Leave him; he got a bit of a hard time in there. He sacrificed himself.
ROGER
A right little Jesus.
GOLIATH
(Shouting)
Listen I didn’t want to put any civilians in any harm ok. I took the hit so others didn’t have to. Now shut it.
THE SIDE DOOR OPEN’S AND IN WALKS THE FOX WITH A SLY SWAGGER.
THE FOX
Roger –Jonty what’s happening men. Who’s your mate? Oh I know who he is; it’s your man from river dance, Michael Flatley.
GOLIATH CHASES AFTER THE FOX, BUT LIKE HIS ANIMAL COUNTERPART HE IS QUICK AND CUNNING.
GOLIATH
You bastard. You made me look like a right eejit!
THE FOX
You do a good job of that yourself kid. Now you going to stop chasing me or what? It was only a wind up.
GOLIATH
I’m gonna kill you.
THE FOX
Just leave it.
GOLIATH
Or what.
THE FOX
I’ll frame it all on you two. Remember, I wasn’t there when the placed got robbed, you two where. And you where doing security I believe. And you were in charge Jonty.
JONTY
Thanks a lot fox. Here, you took that guys docket and the money, I seen ye.
THE FOX
You where the one served him Colombo. Keep the gub shut lads or we all go down. Here roger get them a drink on me.
HE THROWS A SCORE DOWN ON THE BAR AND WALKS OUT.
ROGER
Still glad you decided to leave here; you got yourself in a right mess.
JONTY
Maybe not just us.