Jake's 7 Sci fi sketch

Hi,
With the Sci fi episode of the show what you wrote having already being recorded and my email from bbc saying I was successful being lost in hotmails server (ahem), I though I'd put this one up. Looking back I realise it goes on forever and requires a tedious knowledge of a 35 year old Sci fi classic to get it, but here goes:

ANNOUNCER: And now on Radio 4, the next episode of our long running science fiction drama, Jake's 7, and the crew are on the run from the evil Federation

FX: LASER GUNS AND EXPLOSIONS

CAAN: Computer! Status update!

COMPUTER: Federation ships approaching, at least five.

CAAN: Evasive manoeuvres computer!

COMPUTER: Confirmed.

PANTRA: Caan, we can can't keep running, they'll blow us out of space!

FX: ANOTHER EXPLOSION

CAAN: We will not surrender, computer fire at will!

FX: LASER NOISES

PANTRA: Caan, we can't do this, the federation might be lenient if we surrender now!

COMPUTER: Incoming message.

FEDERATION GUARD: (OV) This is the federation guard, you are outnumbered, prepare to be boarded or risk your ship being destroyed.

CAAN: (DEFEATEDLY) Computer, ready the airlock.

COMPUTER: Airlock ready, federation ship boarding now.

FX: SOUND OF FOOTSTEPS, HEAVY BOOTS

FEDERATION GUARD: Put you hands up! You are now prisoners of the Fed...hang on, where's the rest of you?

CAAN: What do you mean, it's just us two!

FEDERATION GUARD: This is the ship off Jake's 7 isn't it?

PANTRA: That's right!

FEDERATION GUARD: Well where the bloody hell's Jake?

PANTRA: Jake? He wandered off into a quarry, we haven't seen him since series two.

FEDERATION GUARD: But where did he go?

PANTRA: I think his contract wasn't renewed, could still be in the quarry.

FEDERATION GUARD: So who's in charge?

CAAN: I am!

FEDERATION GUARD: And I thought there were seven of you?

CAAN: Well there was. Me, Jake, Pantra, the fat bloke we killed off after three episodes, the telepath who got sacked..

PANTRA: Funny, she didn't she it coming really.

CAAN: And the jokey one who nowadays turns up every so often as the vicar in EastEnders, but only does the funerals and last rites.

PANTRA: Oh yeah! They always get the other guy in to do the weddings don't they?

FEDERATION GUARD: Silence! That still only makes six.

CAAN: Hmmmmm, you're right.

PANTRA: What about the computer?

FEDERATION GUARD: Really? It's a bit tedious don't you think?

COMPUTER: I am here you know.

FEDERATION GUARD: So there's just the two of you.

CAANS: Well yes, but changing it to Caan's Two doesn't have the same ring to it, does it?

FEDERATION GUARD: Well, there's two of you on the ship, and Jake isn't the captain anymore, that's a 50 credit fine, and 3 points on your large space vehicle licence. You can pay it online, here's your ticket and a very good day to you.

CAAN: Aren't you going to take us prisoner?

FEDERATION GUARD: Oh no, I'm from the Federation Space Traffic and Misleading Programme Titles Division. A fine will do.

PANTRA: But what about us trying to assassinate the Empress last week? We blew up 12 of the Empresses top bodyguards!

FEDERATION GUARD: Nothing to do with me mate, I just go after people who either have space traffic violations, or programme titles that don't match the premise. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go and find that Doctor Who, I've just found out his surname isn't actually Who, cheerio!

END

It is enjoyable to read and the concept is great however,I think it is a bit too long for me.

Yeah, when I was copying and pasting it onto this I realised I'd gone onto a fourth page, my hope was that the opening battle bit would be really fast paced....

But anyway thanks for the kind comments!

No problem.I am glad you appreciate the feedback

I liked the premise, and it was funny despite being too long.
But then I do remember Blake's Seven being Avon's six or whatever.

It's too old a reference to be relatable enough.

*Says he who just did a Manhattan Transfer joke on Twitter haha.

Try doing a joke about Gladstone's hairy knees instead...

It is nicely written and I would not worry too much about the length per se; the question should be whether the funny justifies the length.

I am not sure it works the characters being quite so knowing about the fact they are in a TV show.

Of course but main problem might simply be that the script editor is not old enough to remember Blake's Seven.

Thanks for all the feedback guys, really appreciated.

I suppose I took the view that radio 4 listeners might know about blakes 7, I mean was born in 1985 and I know, but then I'm a nerd, but I also thought the set up might explain to people who don't know what it is.

But thanks again, it really does make the difference to me when people like the concepts I'm doing.