How to describe a particular movement? Page 2

I'm back!

Yes, it is a script.

I do appreciate that actors/directors would want to put their own stamp on a character. I just like 'my' characters.
Maybe I'm a bit precious.

Thanks for all the comments. I'll settle for this, for now (Cheers, Stephen).

SCENE 9. INT. OFFICE. DAY

A ENTERS THE OFFICE STILL IN HIS SCOUT OUTFIT. HE IS LOOKING SORRY FOR HIMSELF. B IS TYPING AT THE COMPUTER.

B:
On your own?

A:
It appears so.

B:
I thought you were gonna meet C to go house knocking. You obviously had to leave early to go to a fancy dress party.

A:
Go ahead B. Knock a man when he's down.

BE:
What's the matter with you?

A:
You wouldn't understand.

B:
Oh good. I'm busy.

A:
You couldn't understand.

B:
No, you're right. See you then.

A:
People just don't want to give a man a break.

B:
(Mutters) I'll break something. (Reluctantly) I don't suppose you want to talk about it?

(Thanks to Badge for the observation!)

Whats with the bloody A's and B's man! Give them some names for God's sake, I don't thick anyone will steal them. Makes reading this with any kind of professional eye with a view to giving advice very hard. Characters need to come off the page and giving them letters as names really doesn't help

Does anyone have a friend called C? Apart from Q and M obviously...

Quote: Marc P @ May 9 2013, 9:47 AM BST

Whats with the bloody A's and B's man! Give them some names for God's sake, I don't thick anyone will steal them. Makes reading this with any kind of professional eye with a view to giving advice very hard. Characters need to come off the page and giving them letters as names really doesn't help

View original

My humble apologies to all.

I thought it better to keep simple/neutral but obviously not.
I totally understand where you are coming from, Marc.
Sorry.

Another lesson learnt.

Lol. Fame costs Gary and right here is where you start paying! With blood sweat and tears.

Seriously though give us the context behind this particular scene and I will see if I can be more constructive.

Donald is not the brightest ex-bobby. In his previous scene he totally misunderstood what his cousin/boss Phil was trying to explain, believing Phil was seeking other companionship in preference to Donald.
Jolene, the firm's admin, is a mid-twenties selfish cynic.
Donald is also Jolene's mum's boyfriend.

SCENE 9. IN. OFFICE. DAY

DONALD ENTERS THE OFFICE STILL IN HIS SCOUT OUTFIT. HE IS LOOKING SORRY FOR HIMSELF. JOLENE IS TYPING AT THE COMPUTER.

JOLENE:
On your own?

DONALD:
Looks like it.

JOLENE:
I thought you were gonna meet Phil to go house knocking. You obviously had to leave early to go to a fancy dress party.

DONALD:
Go ahead Jolene. Knock a man when he's down.

JOLENE:
What's the matter with you?

DONALD:
You wouldn't understand.

JOLENE:
Oh good. I'm busy.

DONALD:
You couldn't understand.

JOLENE:
No, you're right. See you then.

DONALD:
People just don't want to give a man a break.

JOLENE:
(Mutters) I'll break something. (Reluctantly) I don't suppose you want to talk about it?

A work definitely in progress.

I think what Stephen recommended gets me out of trouble.
For now.

Cheers.

Fair enough. Good luck with it.