How to describe a particular movement?

Hi All,

Bit of a silly one but it's annoying me.

I was wondering if any of you real writers could advise me on how to describe when someone raises their head briefly in defeat/despair etc?

A is down and feeling sorry for themself and obviously wants to tell B who whilst trying to be dismissive of A feels they should show some sympathy.
So B makes a short up and down movement of the head, closes eyes, sighs and asks A if they want to talk about it.

I can't use that as it's ridiculously clumsy so was wondering if anyone has a term for the action of B before they ask A to talk.

Any help much appreciated.

ABIGAIL SITS IN THE CHAIR CLEARLY DESPONDENT.

BERNARD GRITS HIMSELF.

BERNARD: Do you want to talk to me about it, Abigail?

ABIGAIL: No. I want you to f**k me.

BERNARD: But I'm gay!

ABIGAIL: (ACCUSINGLY) Exactly!

ABIGAIL FLOUNCES OUT UPSET. BERNARD SHRUGS. WHAT'S A GUY TO DO.

[Essentialy let the actors act.]

I'm not a 'real writer' (or even a writer. according to Sooty) but you don't want to be describing character movement in a script unless it's integral to the action.

This really means things like 'leaves room' or 'pulls trigger' not 'closes eyes and exhales slowly'. You can write that if you want but actors and production people will pretend it's not there.

Keep writing it and they'll stop reading. You have to understand two things - that industry people know how to present emotions and narratives on screen without instruction from you and your script is only part of the finished product and other people will decide how the lines are going to be presented.

Interesting one this, alot of the little writing jobs I've been doing of late have been white board animations and cartoons. And I've found with these one needs to describe the actions actually like a narrative.

So that's absolutely unequivocal.

Where as with scripts the idea I think is if you took all the actions and even characters names out. The action should still be imediately obvious.

Quote: garyd @ May 8 2013, 2:28 PM BST

someone raises their head briefly in defeat/despair

View original

Or just say that!

B sympathises? But Godot and sooty are right - there's no need to spell everything out.

The actions or dialogue preceding the event should make it obvious that B is unsympathetic to A's predicament.

You can use parentheses after B's name ie
Bill
(reluctantly)
Tell me all about it

That's assuming he's asking about scripts? Which he probably is. But still.

Quote: zooo @ May 8 2013, 3:55 PM BST

That's assuming he's asking about scripts? Which he probably is. But still.

View original

I don't think it is for radio, still a script I know but hey, and if it was for a novel he would just write it in prose.

Well maybe he's asking howwwww to write it in prose!

I do wish he'd come back and solve all these mysteries...

Hey look, Zoo in the writer's discussion section!

It won't last!

Quote: zooo @ May 8 2013, 4:23 PM BST

Well maybe he's asking howwwww to write it in prose!

I do wish he'd come back and solve all these mysteries...

View original

WHen he finds out, tell him to tell me !

We shall send out a round robin.

If you can't say/write it easily, it won't read well, so best leave it out.
These things should only be there to clarify, not complicate.