After randomly taking on the role of Pac-Man at speed dating during an improv comedy show I ended up writing this, very random, very geeky, but hopefully slightly funny.
Pac Malcom: Phew, that was a close one pac-man.
Pac-Man: I know, it was weird though, I was sure the ghosts had us cornered and we were no-where near one of those flashing yellow power-up things, and then you shouted something incomprehensible and the ghosts just ran away.
Pac-Malcome: How long have we know each other Pac-Man?
Pac-Man: Well it must be about 2 years ago we met, co-incidently it was at the same time the ghosts lost one of their members.
Pac-Malcome: Have you never thought that was strange Pac-Man?
Pac-Man: No not really it just seemed like a lucky co-incidence.
Pac-Malcome: We trust each other right? Over those 2 years we’ve developed a real bond, so if I had a secret which maybe you wouldn’t like, you wouldn’t over-react or anything?
Pac-Man: Pac-Malcome, what are you saying?
Pac-Malcome: Pac-Malcome isn’t really my name, my real name is Malcome…The ghost.
Pac-Man No, so you’re just a ghost spy? Our friendship, everything we’ve been thorugh, that’s been a lie?
Pac-Malcome: Not at all, sure I started as a spy, but we’ve been through so much now, lets not let the fact that I’m a ghost get in the way of our friendship, I’ve grown to see you as a brother, grown to respect you.
Pac-Mac: Grown to respect me? Are you sure that being a ghost is the only secret you want to tell me Malcome?
Malcome: What do you mean?
Pac-Man: I know about your night of passion with Mrs Pac-Man.
Malcome: How long have you known?
Pac-Man: I’ve always know, but when I thought we were friends I let it go, one moment of weakness I was prepared to let go, but now…..
Malcome: It wasn’t just one moment of weakness Pac-Man……..And it still isn’t.
Pac-Man: What? Well how is she going to feel about you when she finds out you’re really a ghost.
Mlacome: She knows pac-man….she’s always known, you both go out eating blobs and running away from ghosts but you never do it together, she’s bored of the repetitive lifestyle you’ve trapped her into, and I represented something new, exciting and dangerous. Sure at first it was just physical, but now…..She’s leaving you Pac-Man, we love each other and we’re going off to start a new life as secret unlockable characters in Super Smash Brothers Melle.
Pac-Man: Please you can’t do that, think of what you’ll be doing to poor Pac-Man Junior, tearing his family apart. Taking him away from his father.
Pac-Malcome: No Pac-Man, he’ll have his father.
Pac-Man: You can’t be….
Pac-Malcome: You know in your heart that it’s true, why do you think he shuns away from you every time you eat one of those power up pills? It’s because he’s half ghost, did you never wonder why the noise he makes when he walks sounds more like a wop wop than a wakka wakka?
Pac-Man: Malcome, you’ve taken everything from me, I thought you were my friend but now I know what I have to do.
Malcome: Leave it Pac man, you’re a pac-man, I’m a ghost, we all know how this would end if it came to a fight.
Pac-Man: Oh really.
Malcome: OK pac man, lets stay calm, don’t do anything rash, just put the yellow flashing power up down, Pac-Man., no wait, I’m sorry, lets talk about this, Pac-man NOoooooooooooooooo!
(as he’s doing this pac-man says increasingly mencing wakka wakka’s)
Announcer: And the moral of the story is, don’t tell your best friend you’re secretly a ghost and are going to run away to start a new life with his spouse unless you’re sure he’s not secretly holding a power up pill.