https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIOVuTq3-t8
Little comedy short we made recently.
Skipping Meals (by James Acaster)
I'm afraid that last line - "Not as miserable as that couple we beat the pants off last night for not paying" - immediately set this viewer to working out the practicalities - "Yeah, but if they went outside for a cig and then jumped in the car and zoomed off before the espresso came, how could you find them to beat the pants off them?" In any case, the phrase is "beat the crap out of" rather than "beat the pants off", which sounds a bit girlie to me.
I think you need to increase the ridiculousness a bit. "Look, if I'm the millionth, then my wife must be the million-and-first, so she should have to pay her half. Why don't you give it to that man over there? He's on his own." "No, I don't want it - I'm charging my meal to expenses on the company account - couldn't I have a free gift instead?" Something like that. More ridiculous ideas and complications, and keep them coming faster.