THE GRUMPY EXECUTIONER (GE) AND HIS CHEERFUL AIDE (CA) STAND EITHER SIDE OF A CONDEMNED AND HOODED MAN WITH A NOOSE AROUND HIS NECK (CM) THE GE HAS HIS HAND ON THE LEAVER
GE
You have been found guilty by a jury of your peers and sentenced to death any final word before I carry out sentence?
CA
Who are you talking to?
CM
Tee hee.
GE
The condemned man.
CA
Who?
CM
Tee hee, hee.
GE
Him with the rope around his neck, the one we're about to execute.
CA
Who?
GE
Him!
GE GRABS CM AND SHAKES HIM ROUGHLY
CA
Oh him sorry mate, I said he wouldn't play along.
CM BURSTS INTO TEARS
CM
It was my last wish, I whispered it to your mate when you took me from the cells. I want to play one game of hide and seek before they hang me, just one.
CA
He loves hide and seek, but his parents were strict Mormons didn't believe in hiding stuff. It's why he killed all those prostitutes and buried their corpses in the wood.
CM
It was my way of playing hide and seek with the cops.
CM
But they found you in the end eh?
CM & CA LAUGH CONSPIRATORALLY.
GE
Oh go on then, one more game if it is his last wish.
CA
So shut your eyes sir and count to ten.
CM
And no peaking.
GE PUTS HIS HANDS OVER HIS EYES
GE
1,2,3,4,5 coming ready or not.
GE UNCOVERS HIS EYES
Where's that naughty boy gone?
CA
Prisoner escape!
GE
No wait!
CA HITS A PANIC BUTTON, LOUD SIRENS GO OFF AND 12 HEAVILY ARMED GUARDS BURST IN.
CHIEF GUARD
We heard there was a death row breakout, wait he's right there. What's going on?
GE
We were playing hide and seek sorry sir, won't do it again.
CHIEF GUARD
This is going in my report!
GUARDS FILE OUT
CM
Ha ha what a div you looked such a.....
GE PULLS THE LEVER DROPPING CM THROUGH THE TRAPDOOR
CA
Where's he gone?
GE
I hate you so very much.