Here's last weeks effort. (Only entered one this week also, and
events in Cyprus are rapidly rendering it irrelevent - ah well....)
NJ SKETCH: THE THING
JUSTIN:
Russian scientists have discovered a new type of
bacteria deep in the Antarctic ice that's so different
from all other known lifeforms it's practically alien,
kind of like James Franco. For more we turn to
expedition leader Nina Dimensky.
NINA:
(RUSSIAN ACCENT) Hallo, Justin.
JUSTIN:
Congratulations on this spectacular find.
NINA:
Thank you. We could not be happier.
JUSTIN:
Indeed. Though I bet you're getting fed up
with people making jokes about "The Thing".
NINA:
The what?
JUSTIN:
"The Thing". It's a film. Very famous film.
NINA:
Did not catch that one. What is it about?
JUSTIN:
Well, there are these scientists in the Antarctic...
NINA:
Like us, yes.
JUSTIN:
...who discover a mysterious lifeform buried
deep in the ice...
NINA:
Practically my biography.
JUSTIN:
...which then proceeds to infect all of them.
NINA:
Oh.
JUSTIN:
But I'm sure you took precautions against that.
NINA:
I told you we didn't see movie. So what happens
to people in story? Do they get bad cold?
JUSTIN:
No.
NINA:
That's good. I hate when I get a cold.
JUSTIN:
Did you at least wear a mask?
NINA:
Oh yes. I always wore mask when I was around the
bacteria. Without fail. Except when I ate some.
JUSTIN:
You ate some!
NINA:
Yes, and to get it in my mouth I had to remove - oh,
I see your point now. That was probably not good idea.
JUSTIN:
Why would you do that?
NINA:
We were very drunk that night. There's not much else to
do there you know. Unless you like to ski, which I don't.
So much snow. I hate the snow. Why is my hand turning
into dog's paw?
JUSTIN:
Uh-oh. Can someone call security?
F/X: HIDEOUS SLOBBERING.
JUSTIN:
Who's this man who ripping off his shirt? Can it be...?
PUTIN:
It is I, Vladimir Putin. Wrestler of bears and now also of
mutant lifeform that threatens all of humankind. Okay,
let's do this.
F/X: FIGHT.
JUSTIN:
It's hard to tell who going to win this. They're both writhing
around on the floor. One of them is getting up now and it's...
the slimy creepy one with no sense of shame or decency.
Vladimir Putin has defeated the alien!
F/X: CHEERING.
END
