The Critique Workshop

I've created this thread as a way to demonstrate how and why redrafting your writing can be important.

The idea here is to ask your fellow writers if they would like to write the second draft of your sketch. You then decide whether or not another draft is needed, where it will then be passed onto the next writer. Credits must be included for each writer involved.

For now I think it's best we start off with one sketch to test this out, so if anyone wants to volunteer theirs, please post a link here and anyone who wants to offer a rewrite speak up, although it is the original writer's decision on who they accept.

Of course, this all can be done without this thread but hopefully it will get the ball rolling here. And we'll be able to chart the progression of a script developing and possible dissect the process.

Anyone can post, just dive right in

OK, here's something on this very subject, and with some room deliberately left for improvement (which saves me having to put any effort into writing it any better...).

TWO CAVEMEN SIT BY A FIRE WITH A DOG.

CAVEMAN1 My dog smells bad.

CAVEMAN2 No it doesn't, it's nose is fine.

CAVEMAN1 Ha! That's quite funny.

CAVEMAN2 Is it? Why?

CAVEMAN1 Well, I was actually talking about the smell coming from its bum, but you assumed I was referring to its olfactory capability.

CAVEMAN2 Yeah, that is funny when you put it like that, but only 'cos you used a funny word; 'bum'.

CAVEMAN1 Erm, but its the double-meaning of 'smell' which is actually funny.

CAVEMAN2 Not as funny as saying 'bum'. Ha! Gets me every time.

CAVEMAN1 Hmm...what if we'd turned it around, and I'd have said "my dog doesn't smell" and you'd have replied "try smelling its bum"?

CAVEMAN2 Ha! Bum. Trouble is, why wouldn't your dog be able to smell?

CAVEMAN1 Maybe it's mislaid its nose?

CAVEMAN2 Absurd! I like it!

CAVEMAN1 "My dog's got no nose."

CAVEMAN2 "Try smelling it's bum!" Ha! Brilliant, absurd AND with a funny word!

CAVEMAN1 Hang on, we're missing something here, it needs more explanation to make it work.

CAVEMAN2 [SIGHS} You and you 'explanations'. Jokes don't need to make sense, they just need to be short and funny.

CAVEMAN1 Well, the joke still needs to be understood.

CAVEMAN2 How hard is it to understand the word 'bum'?

CAVEMAN1 Just indulge me, alright?

CAVEMAN2 OK. Let's try it your way. I'll start: "My dog's got no nose."

CAVEMAN1 How does it smell?

CAVEMAN2 Bum! Ha!

CAVEMAN1 I really think this needs a better punchline....

END

Feel free to rewrite this:

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/26812/

Did you guys get any responses?

Is this a no to this thread then? Shall I let it die?

Nogget's sketch actually works pretty well as it is. (I recall attempting a similar experiment to this, but it similarly fell down on my instinctive reluctance to post up a sketch that needed serious work.)

Let it die, Leevil. Let it die.

Perhaps Noggets sketch is not the best example of something that would benefit from a rewrite as it is good enough as it stands.

Noggett you ruined this thread by coming up with a near perfect sketch.
What are you an anarchist?

Quote: Nogget @ March 19 2013, 5:50 PM GMT

OK, here's something on this very subject, and with some room deliberately left for improvement (which saves me having to put any effort into writing it any better...).

TWO CAVEMEN SIT BY A FIRE WITH A DOG.

CAVEMAN1 My dog smells bad.

CAVEMAN2 No it doesn't, it's nose is fine.

CAVEMAN1 Ha! That's quite funny.

CAVEMAN2 Is it? Why?

CAVEMAN1 Well, I was actually talking about the smell coming from its bum, but you assumed I was referring to its olfactory capability.

CAVEMAN2 Yeah, that is funny when you put it like that, but only 'cos you used a funny word; 'bum'.

CAVEMAN1 Erm, but its the double-meaning of 'smell' which is actually funny.

CAVEMAN2 Not as funny as saying 'bum'. Ha! Gets me every time.

CAVEMAN1 Hmm...what if we'd turned it around, and I'd have said "my dog doesn't smell" and you'd have replied "try smelling its bum"?

CAVEMAN2 Ha! Bum. Trouble is, why wouldn't your dog be able to smell?

CAVEMAN1 Maybe it's mislaid its nose?

CAVEMAN2 Absurd! I like it!

CAVEMAN1 "My dog's got no nose."

CAVEMAN2 "Try smelling it's bum!" Ha! Brilliant, absurd AND with a funny word!

CAVEMAN1 Hang on, we're missing something here, it needs more explanation to make it work.

CAVEMAN2 [SIGHS} You and you 'explanations'. Jokes don't need to make sense, they just need to be short and funny.

CAVEMAN1 Well, the joke still needs to be understood.

CAVEMAN2 How hard is it to understand the word 'bum'?

CAVEMAN1 Just indulge me, alright?

CAVEMAN2 OK. Let's try it your way. I'll start: "My dog's got no nose."

CAVEMAN1 How does it smell?

CAVEMAN2 Bum! Ha!

CAVEMAN1 I really think this needs a better punchline....

END

View original

"My dinosaur's got no nose." is funnier.

I like that sketch just fine as it is

Very good sketch. I think Beaky made a good suggestion regards the dinosaur too.

It's ironic that of all the sketches I've ever posted here, this is the only one for which people haven't suggested rewrites.

Quote: Tursiops @ April 11 2013, 3:29 PM BST

(I recall attempting a similar experiment to this, but it similarly fell down on my instinctive reluctance to post up a sketch that needed serious work.)

View original

It's true that I didn't post the very first draft, but I felt that would have been a contrived approach to thread. However, I didn't try to pare the sketch down as much as I'd usually do, and I thought people might suggest it be shorter.

Thanks to everyone who gave positive feedback.